La Douleur Exquise

[Arty Orspach]

It was never empty here, except for this time of day. Maybe the choice in locations would help his case, he had been with his Master for seven years, but for the life of him the nineteen year old Padawan had no idea how he was going to react to this situation, words must be chosen carefully. That really wasn't his strong suit was it? He groaned as he watched the fountains, they had a peaceful and grounding nature that is what their purpose was.

He had to be straightforward with Erril, he trusted him. He trusted him to do the right thing regardless of what that was. Then again if the right thing was contrary to what Arty felt was the right thing he knew he too would have a decision to make. He cracked his neck and ran his hands through his short hair. His right hand caught his now rather long Padawan braid, he pulled it over and examined it. The symbolism was not lost on the young man, he had dedicated the majority of his life to the Jedi and here he was about to ask for something, something that used to be forbidden...something he was not quite sure the answer would be yes. He took in a breath and caught himself in the reflection of one of the many fountains here.

He had filled out nicely, his awkward teenage body was starting to become that of a young man, the muscle tone was more defined, his face while still youthful at it's core had a lot less of the boyish appearance than it had a few years ago during that awkward phase. He shuddered and remembered something about slicing his finger open while waiting for his master. That was not his finest hour, not by a long shot.

Here he was again, waiting for his master. They had a mission, but he had requested to meet Erril here earlier. That wasn't suspicious or anything. Smooth Arty real smooth. He probably thinks that you're about to tell him that you've joined the Sith instead and that you are renouncing the Jedi entirely. Yep. That's totally what he thinks. You'll be lucky if he doesn't kill you when he walks in the door.

Stop. That's not the case at all, or is it? NO! He has to suspect something, he's not dense like a Consular or anything. He's a Sentinel, Sentinels are smart and practical. That is in fact the exact reason why he himself had thought he was a Sentinel for many years, but Guardian heart beat through and it was crystal clear that always was and always will be a Guardian.

What was he thinking about again? Oh yeah...this whole thing. Ask yourself two questions Arty.

"Do you believe you're right with yourself? Yes. Do you believe it's the right thing to do? Yes."

Did he just say that out loud?

"Osik!"

His eyes scanned the room and he reached out to see if he could feel the super hearing half Sephi yet. Where was he anyway?

[Erril Winterhold]

The Room of a Thousand Fountains. A part of the temple loved not only by the Jedi in residence but visitors from the general public as well. Erril made his way there early in the morning, the lingering cool of mint still clinging to his senses from his morning cup of tea. Whenever Leyana was on Coruscant for a family visit she would stay at the temple with him, but when she came on business, the snowy-haired councilor would pack a bag and go stay with her in her sky-top apartments as sort of a lavish stay-cation. She had just recently departed back to Mandalore from one such trip, and as much as Erril missed his wife and everything that her presence entailed, he also didn’t mind getting back to the simpler joys of life in the temple.
The simple joys of the temple weren’t a constant for Erril or his padawan either, though. The galaxy was in constant need of shepherding, and the two of them never stayed on Coruscant for too long at a time. So it was that Erril padded quietly down the steps toward his favorite area among the fountains, cloak swaying gently with each step. Underneath the cloak, a worn leather satchel was clutched in one hand, ready for the road.

Arty had requested to meet here before their departure, which was a very unusual location preference for his normally down-to-earth padawan right before a mission, but Erril liked the idea as well and had decided not to read into the choice too much. The change probably had something to do with that young lady he wasn’t supposed to know about, but any woman who inspired Arty to love fountains more could only be an improvement to his… And there he went, reading into it too much. Erril mentally stowed the line of thought into his mental “Maybe Never” file. He was aware that his not-so-young-anymore padawan had been seeing someone as of late, but he’d chosen to keep it private, and Erril had done his best to quash his natural investigative impulses and not spy on them.

Facts, facts, focus on those. Erril had come here for his own self-care, not to muse about his padawan’s personal life. He had decided to come a little early to their chosen rendezvous point and enjoy the morning quiet for awhile before Arty arrived. The padawan had grown from a boy to a man in Erril’s company, which meant at this point he was an early riser of the finest caliber when he needed to be, but fortunately he hadn’t entirely destroyed his circadian rhythm the way Erril had over the last couple of decades. The elder Jedi’s mind settled delightedly into a peaceful stream of consciousness as he began to ponder what mundane things he might do with the next hour or so. He’d sit for a bit, check his gear, listen the thousand fountains raining down on their marble arrangements, maybe dip his hands in a pool or two, and certainly meditate for awhile, and then… What was that?

The Jedi’s ears perked up and sifted through the sounds of waterfall with supernatural precision, untangling and tuning them out to identify the sound of breathing, and a heartbeat as he got closer. Arty was already here. Facts and musings and any concerns about straightening his satchel faded away, replaced by blooming curiosity. What was he doing here so early? Erril picked his way through the fountainheads and final strode up alongside a fountain off to Arty’s right where he paused.

”Fancy finding you here!” Erril grinned and continued his approach. ”And here I assumed I’d gotten out of bed so much earlier than you.”

[Arty Orspach]

He felt the presence mere moments before he was approached, he tensed in the shoulders and flinched slightly. He both was and wasn't expecting him. He was in that he wanted him to be here and he was anxiously awaiting his arrival, he wasn't in that he was sort of dreading the the conversation. He has deliberately kept his relationship with Qiana more or less secret for the past few years, she was a Zeltron and Zeltrons had a reputation. He knew that when people saw them together their mind went in a certain direction because of her species and while it did not bother Qiana in the least bit, it did bother Arty. He did not want anyone looking at the girl he loved in such a way, because she was not that way!

He bowed his head at the presence of his Master and offered him a warm but slightly nervous smile. This was....he had explaining to do and he knew it, it wasn't that he was doing anything wrong per say, but he probably should have been more open about it with the man who had dedicated years of his life training him. The young man brushed his Padawan braid behind his ear and his brown eyes met Erril's and he took a deep breath.

"Good morning Master. Yeah, I...I got here early because I wanted to talk to you about something that was important to me and I did not want it to cloud our mission and be something that I brought up when we were in the middle of something more important, but it means a lot to me."

He took another breath again and cracked his neck nervously. This was a habit he developed over the years, it relieved tension in the moment, but he did wonder if was harmful and he might notice a bit later. Ahh well, that's what healers were for he guessed. Healers can fix just about anything even arthritic old bones, not that he would likely live to be old, he was a Jedi Guardian. Wonder what my average lifespan is anyway? It's probably not more than sixty something, which is fine, Julian will be grown and can take care of Qi...STALLING!

Knock it off and say it. He cracked his knuckles in one hand and flexed the robotic fingers covered by a gauntlet on the other.

"So...do you remember the Zeltron girl from a few years back? She had a half human baby the day I lost my arm."

He tensed for a brief moment.

"We've been...together since before then. I...have to ask you something."

[Erril Winterhold]

The older Jedi’s expression was interested, if a little incredulous, as Arty began to speak of needing to discuss matters of personal importance. There was truly something truly unusual in the young Jedi’s aura as he spoke, and in the whole situation he’d manufactured for the conversation he wished to have. Arty was as much of a straight-shooter as a Jedi could afford to be – sometimes more – and he rarely stood on ceremony. As much as Erril had come to appreciate Arty’s more refined nuances in recent years, he still felt he was about to hear something out of character escape his padawan’s lips.

Speak of the devil

The expression of curiosity faded from Erril’s features, which instead smoothed over into a look of encouraging attentiveness. Reaching up, the Jedi master folded his cloak back over one shoulder and then swept it to one side, allowing him to sit down by his padawan without dumping his outer garment in the fountainhead. His mind immediately attempted to try and predict what Arty might be about to tell him, but once again he smothered the impulse and simply looked his padawan in the eye calmly.

”What’s on your mind?”

[Arty Orspach]

Years of being his Padawan should have told him this was coming, he was so unpredictably predictable when it came to things like this. Of course he was going to listen like the caring father that he as, he had in fact been like a father to Arty. So why was it so annoying that he was so understanding? He'd have preferred to be outright accused of fathering a child at age sixteen than this whole understanding thing...even if the understanding thing was better. Would he prefer it? No this was better, but it made it harder on him because he didn't...no this was easier. Uggh. He thought to himself as he grabbed the back of his neck next to Erril. This was just...uggh this whole situation, he felt like he was being hypocritical, he should have told Erril years ago and he shouldn't have kept it from him. Would this get in the way of his Knighthood?

"Her son Julian....I mean, our son."

Wait...that definitely came out wrong!! His face turned bright red.

"I didn't do anything to make him!"

Nailed it.

"But he's...he's a youngling now and I've helped raise him because well I love him like he was mine...I love her Master."

He rolled his head, anxiety was clouding his aura and his mind. Erril...he knew Erril, once again he was unpredictably predictable, he knew his Master, they had been together for seven years. They were brothers at this point, brothers that should trust each other and rely on one another.

OUT WITH IT ALREADY ORSPACH!!!!!!

"The thing is Master, I know...I am a Padawan and...I know that it is generally forbidden, but I want her ask her...."

He took a deep breath.

"I love her and she loves me and I want to Marry her. I know I'm not a Knight, I know that and it is normally not something a Padawan would be allowed to do, but I've been fulfilling the duties of a husband and father since before he was born. I just want to make it official so that she can be here with Julian...with me. I want to officially be her husband and his father."

There was sweat on his brow, he had finally said it and now there was nothing to do but wait, wait for....or say something else.

"I kept it secret because she's a Zeltron. People see us and they think one thing and one thing only. She's not like that! I'm not either and I don't want anyone looking at her that way. They can think whatever they want about me, but not her!"

[Erril Winterhold]

The snowy-haired Jedi nodded along as his padawan began to explain the situation out of an apparent need to justify his actions. A shade of amusement spread Erril’s thin lips into a smile as Arty backtracked to shut down any forthcoming accusations, but he remained silent, allowing the relatively ineloquent young man to express the fullness of his mind. He simply continued to nod along, pursing his lips for a moment as he tried – and was able – to recall the small Zeltron, or rather half-Zeltron youngling. Julian, that was the boy’s name. Just a little older than Mission, in fact.
For some reason, the idea that a child belonging to Arty was in the same generation of younglings as Mission settled a nerve in Erril’s stomach that he didn’t even know had been on edge. He and Arty had found their way through so many growing experiences together, maybe they would brave this ordeal of raising their first child in the Jedi order together as well… But Arty didn’t see that yet. For all his steel nerve in the face of impossible odds, Arty was still an uncertain teenage man, seeking approval and blessing from… a father? A trusted brother? A mentor?

With the move to Coruscant, the order had regained some of its Old Order auspices, and with that was it possible that they’d allowed some of the old ways to influence their teaching as well? The current generation of Jedi certainly resembled the Old Order more than Skywalker’s first generation of New Order Initiates had. They weren’t the same, but Erril needed to draw that line in the sand for Arty. Right here and now.
Arty was filling the silence with some half-embarrassed sounding explanation of why he’d kept things under wraps with this young lady, and was beginning to wax indignant when Erril reached up and clasped a hand over Arty’s on the back of his neck. He jostled the young man a little, favoring him with a sympathetic smile, and then gave him that narrow-eyed sagely expression he always did when he was about to impart some “wisdom” to the young man.

”Well in that case I suppose you’re expecting I should give you a few stern words about not taking advantage of vulnerable women, and about how we need to be sensitive to the fact that Zeltrons are people with needs and… how they share an unfortunate reputation with the twi’lek that we as Jedi need to be looking to counter rather than add to and… other things like that.”

The sagely angle of the part-sephi’s eyebrows smoothed, and so did his expression. Leaving only the sincerity in his eyes as he searched Arty’s gaze. ”But I think you already know those things more personally than I ever could. And I have to tell you, this whole notion about attachments being forbidden… we both know that’s a relic of a backward generation in our order’s history. We can’t afford to not have attachments. We’re part of this world.”

The elder Jedi paused and took a deep breath, looking out across the fountains for a moment. ”So this youngling, Julian. He’s your son, so far as you’re concerned. And this young lady, what’s her name?... Qiana. That’s a lovely name… Arty I won’t pretend to be an expert on fatherhood, you’ve literally been a dad longer than I have, from the sounds of it. But I have learned a few things from having a couple of padawans – I’m grateful for the lessons you’ve taught me, by the way – and I’ve certainly gleaned a fair bit about the gravity of parenthood from my wife’s people. So I’ll just say this. Your duties as a husband and father are foundational to the life of your family. As foundational as your duties as a Jedi are to the life of the galaxy. You have committed your life to the Jedi order, and that’s a commitment not easily broken. If you take this family on in earnest, your commitment becomes two-fold, and your responsibility is doubled as long as you live."

Erril reached over a little further and jerked Arty into a rough side-hug, jostling him a little more. “Nowthese strong shoulders here, can bear up under a lot of pressure, I know that as indisputable fact. But we all have limits, and that’s okay. You know what’s at stake for this family, and you know it will only get more complicated as time goes on, even if you can all be here in the temple as a family. Is this a commitment you’re willing to make, for life?”