*He was tired, this was annoying, they were annoying. Sweat glistened on his neck and back as the young man continued his work. He shook his hand and flicked the sweat out of his his dark brown hair, his green eyes were narrow and his mood was not one that was to be desired. In fact this entire situation was awful.
He shook his head and a shiver went down his spine, if he stopped working for too long then he'd get cold, but yet he was sweaty. His body was annoying too, lets just add that one to the list of things that was annoying. The newer Jedi Knight sighed, this is not what he expected his career to be. He expected to be off somewhere in the galaxy slaying evil, isn't that what Knights did, especially Guardian Knights. He stopped and corrected himself on his thinking, he understood the task here was necessary, even if the plan was less than intelligent. Carbonite? Whoever heard of such a thing?! Master Erril Winterhold, he had some words to say to him at some point if the opportunity presented itself, but it wasn't now. Not in front of his former master at least, he knew the two of them had been close.
He shook his head threw his hands up in the air and walked away from the task at hand, he so tired and the atmosphere of the planet most certainly did not help things. He moved over to a rock off and the distance, a rock that he often visited, a place that had become his own. He sat down and took his shirt off. He sat there and rang the shirt out, sweat dripping down into the ground he shivered again, but it would only be colder with the wet shirt on versus off. He sat there and stared out over the horizon, thoughts of what lay outside of this atmosphere filling his mind. The real Missions he had been on with his Master as a Padawan, that served a real purpose, what was his purpose anymore? They had to get off this world, he gathered that was the purpose, but it was still......
He took a breath in, grabbed his water bottle and took a long swig from it. The water was gross, it was clean enough to drink, but just barely, it wasn't anything like the water he had back home at the temple. He wondered what the temple would be like now. He wondered if he would have a place there when he returned. He brushed the thought aside in case anyone was nearby, he did not want them to know of that particular thought which had been showing itself more and more as the years went on. It was a private thought, one that he kept incredibly close to his chest. He looked at the water bottle in his left hand, half natural and half robotic, he moved his pinky and ring finger and heard the machinery at work. He shook his hand, an injury of a bygone era and a reminder not to try and catch a blade, not that it was his actual intent when it happened, but that was how they made fun of him.
How dare they mock him? He was being a Jedi, he misjudged the situation, one move, one fraction of an inch and a second difference and it would have worked. He saw another Jedi off and the distance and his green eyes rolled, he just wanted to be alone, yet they were "All in this together!" Such raging positivity and lunacy. It was so redundant, of course they were in it together, they were Jedi and they were here, there was no reason to keep kriffing saying it every two seconds. He took in a long breath as they drew closer and he composed himself, hiding his frustrated emotions deep within him.*
"Hey...."
Epoch
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Luka Balmore
- Posts: 82
- Joined: Wed Apr 29, 2020 2:24 pm
Re: Epoch
"Hey yourself."
The half Sephi healer said as he gave Jarik a smile and moved deliberately over to sit down on the ground next to the younger Knight. His wavy long blonde hair tied neatly into a pony tail. He was pail and quite clearly underweight. He pulled a piece of fabric that he had fashioned from his cloak from his pocket and coughed into it for several moments. This world was less than desirable for his physiology and he knew it, but that did not stop him from making the most of it. It wasn't all bad here, it was an experience, one that had the ability to mold someone into not only a better Jedi, but a better person as well.
Of course there were other places he'd rather be right now, who wouldn't? But this is where he was, and there was no use sulking about it no matter how many times he had a coughing fit during the day. He recalled that yesterday he had coughed so hard that everything went black, he tasted blood, saw stars and passed out. He was awoken hours later to find other Jedi standing over him and ensuring his body was in the best shape it could be. As a healer he consciously knew his symptoms and his own body, he also was well aware of what that meant, but others in the galaxy had it much worse than he so he endured, just like he should.
The Consular's blue eyes focused on the younger Jedi before him, there was another scratch in his throat, but he fought it off and pushed forward.
"How are you doing my friend?"
There was clearly something troubling the younger Jedi, but he did not wish to poke and pry too deep just yet, let the younger man open the door, then maybe if invited in, would he cross that treshold, but not yet, not now. The Guardian was far too guarded for that, he would no doubtedly shut down if the right things were not said. It was a subtle art, one that required near infinite patience, one that Luka was quite adept at.
The half Sephi healer said as he gave Jarik a smile and moved deliberately over to sit down on the ground next to the younger Knight. His wavy long blonde hair tied neatly into a pony tail. He was pail and quite clearly underweight. He pulled a piece of fabric that he had fashioned from his cloak from his pocket and coughed into it for several moments. This world was less than desirable for his physiology and he knew it, but that did not stop him from making the most of it. It wasn't all bad here, it was an experience, one that had the ability to mold someone into not only a better Jedi, but a better person as well.
Of course there were other places he'd rather be right now, who wouldn't? But this is where he was, and there was no use sulking about it no matter how many times he had a coughing fit during the day. He recalled that yesterday he had coughed so hard that everything went black, he tasted blood, saw stars and passed out. He was awoken hours later to find other Jedi standing over him and ensuring his body was in the best shape it could be. As a healer he consciously knew his symptoms and his own body, he also was well aware of what that meant, but others in the galaxy had it much worse than he so he endured, just like he should.
The Consular's blue eyes focused on the younger Jedi before him, there was another scratch in his throat, but he fought it off and pushed forward.
"How are you doing my friend?"
There was clearly something troubling the younger Jedi, but he did not wish to poke and pry too deep just yet, let the younger man open the door, then maybe if invited in, would he cross that treshold, but not yet, not now. The Guardian was far too guarded for that, he would no doubtedly shut down if the right things were not said. It was a subtle art, one that required near infinite patience, one that Luka was quite adept at.
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Jarik Taran
- Posts: 21
- Joined: Wed Jan 15, 2020 10:38 pm
Re: Epoch
*Jarik shifted on the rock to make room for the older and obviously sickly Jedi. How was he doing? That was an annoying question when Luka was literally on the ground practically dying the other day. He had the nerve to ask how he was doing? Jarik felt his eyes start to roll but he stopped them. He was so annoyed by this whole situation that the presence of a genuinely nice person just annoyed him further. He tried to calm himself down a little bit and find a sort of balance, because he did know that Luka meant well, but his positivity was just something that was extremely annoying.
How could he be as positive as he was in a time like this? How?! It just defied all logic and common sense, especially given his physical condition. By all accounts he should be just as annoyed at the situation as Jarik was but, he wasn't. Not even close and that was just stupid.
He pulled his legs up closer to his body, resting his arms on them so he could rest his head, this had the added benefit of preserving his body heat while his shirt dried.*
"I mean...I'm here...today just like every day. So I am alive I guess."
*Not all that long ago he would have called Luka Master, but Luka no longer technically outranked him, perhaps in time in grade, but not in rank and he did not really feel like addressing anyone as master at the moment. However, out of all the half-Sephis on this planet, he was rather glad that Luka was the one coming over and most certainly not Master Winterhold, he might say something he'd regret had the leader of their rag tag order ventured over here.*
"You? You look a little better than yesterday..."
*He patted Luka on the shoulder lightly, the type of congratulatory pat that you give a friend or colleague for achieving something, only this pat was given for merely living for another day. The Sephi's had not had a pleasant time on this planet, which was more of a reason for them to not be here, but he let that thought go as he tried to remain at least somewhat semi socialble with the other Knight who for some reason went out of his way to come talk to him.*
How could he be as positive as he was in a time like this? How?! It just defied all logic and common sense, especially given his physical condition. By all accounts he should be just as annoyed at the situation as Jarik was but, he wasn't. Not even close and that was just stupid.
He pulled his legs up closer to his body, resting his arms on them so he could rest his head, this had the added benefit of preserving his body heat while his shirt dried.*
"I mean...I'm here...today just like every day. So I am alive I guess."
*Not all that long ago he would have called Luka Master, but Luka no longer technically outranked him, perhaps in time in grade, but not in rank and he did not really feel like addressing anyone as master at the moment. However, out of all the half-Sephis on this planet, he was rather glad that Luka was the one coming over and most certainly not Master Winterhold, he might say something he'd regret had the leader of their rag tag order ventured over here.*
"You? You look a little better than yesterday..."
*He patted Luka on the shoulder lightly, the type of congratulatory pat that you give a friend or colleague for achieving something, only this pat was given for merely living for another day. The Sephi's had not had a pleasant time on this planet, which was more of a reason for them to not be here, but he let that thought go as he tried to remain at least somewhat semi socialble with the other Knight who for some reason went out of his way to come talk to him.*
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Luka Balmore
- Posts: 82
- Joined: Wed Apr 29, 2020 2:24 pm
Re: Epoch
Luka coughed into his arm again as Jarik spoke, only breaking eye contact with the younger Jedi Knight for a moment so as not to cough on him directly, it was the polite thing to do. He then smiled, acknowleding the psuedo compliment about looking better today. It was true that he felt a bit better than he did yesterday, which was definitely preferable as that situation was definitely not one that he cared to repeat. As a result he had been focusing more on his hydration and taking more frequent breaks from the work, surely that would aleviate his symptoms to some degree. He did wonder if pulmonary edema was in fact the correct diagnosis here, but one could not always be fully trusted to diagnose themselves.
He felt the pat on his should and he returned the gesture with a smile, Jarik's skin was clammy, and that did indeed concern him a bit, once again he decided not to poke too far just yet, that would come in time, he did trust that if the younger Jedi was not feeling physically well he would more than likely say something.
"Well we're all alive and yes it is incredibly unpleasant here as you pointed out my condition yesterday, but I am feeling much better, I appreciate you asking. That was not my greatest moment, but it taught me something about myself. I was pushing myself entirely too hard and I expected too much out of my own body, so now I'm pacing myself a bit more and being mindful of what my body is telling me."
He paused and looked down at the ground.
"This planet doesn't suite me, I do not think it does with any of us, but we'll be gone from here sooner or later and think of the knowledge and strength we will have gained from the experience. Its as if the Force knows exactly which weakness to poke us in to see how we'll react to it. I used to think it was the force just being cruel, but now I understand that it is trying to shape me for something bigger where I will need the strength I gain from unpleasantness."
His eyes found the other Jedi Knight again and he studied him without probing, he noted the scars on his body, how typical for a Guardian, not in a bad way, but they seemed to sacrifice their bodies a bit more than some of the others in the order. He had known this young man for many years and he understood that he had not had an easy go in his Padawan years, but that was indeed typical of a Jedi Knight, they did call them trials for a reason, they weren't supposed to be easy or fun, but reminding him of that was not going to get the healer anywhere.
"What do you think the Force is preparing us for Jarik?"
He felt the pat on his should and he returned the gesture with a smile, Jarik's skin was clammy, and that did indeed concern him a bit, once again he decided not to poke too far just yet, that would come in time, he did trust that if the younger Jedi was not feeling physically well he would more than likely say something.
"Well we're all alive and yes it is incredibly unpleasant here as you pointed out my condition yesterday, but I am feeling much better, I appreciate you asking. That was not my greatest moment, but it taught me something about myself. I was pushing myself entirely too hard and I expected too much out of my own body, so now I'm pacing myself a bit more and being mindful of what my body is telling me."
He paused and looked down at the ground.
"This planet doesn't suite me, I do not think it does with any of us, but we'll be gone from here sooner or later and think of the knowledge and strength we will have gained from the experience. Its as if the Force knows exactly which weakness to poke us in to see how we'll react to it. I used to think it was the force just being cruel, but now I understand that it is trying to shape me for something bigger where I will need the strength I gain from unpleasantness."
His eyes found the other Jedi Knight again and he studied him without probing, he noted the scars on his body, how typical for a Guardian, not in a bad way, but they seemed to sacrifice their bodies a bit more than some of the others in the order. He had known this young man for many years and he understood that he had not had an easy go in his Padawan years, but that was indeed typical of a Jedi Knight, they did call them trials for a reason, they weren't supposed to be easy or fun, but reminding him of that was not going to get the healer anywhere.
"What do you think the Force is preparing us for Jarik?"
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Jarik Taran
- Posts: 21
- Joined: Wed Jan 15, 2020 10:38 pm
Re: Epoch
*The younger Knight blinked in astonishment at just about all of what Luka said. How? How??? HOW?!!? How does one remain that grounded when they are literally dying?! He knew they were Jedi and as a result had more mental strength than the average person, even Jarik in his decreased state of morale was more mentally tough than just about any non-sensitive, but he could simply not understand how the pointy eared ray of sunshine over here kept on pushing on. It was annoying, it was dumb, it was...kind of inspiring.
His expression softened a little bit as he thought for a moment about what was said and the question that was asked of him. He looked around and reached out to ensure no one else was in ear shot. Confirming that the two of them were reasonably alone, he scratched the back of his head and looked directly at the older Knight. There was something on his mind, something that had been nagging him since after his Knighting, something that his subconscious had been chomping at the bit to get out.*
"Yeah, I'm glad you're better..."
*He sighed.*
"Just us right?"
*His green eyes met Luka's blue eyes and he looked for acknowledgement.*
"I don't know what the Force is telling me or doing for me. I...feel like I'm not a good Jedi, I feel like maybe I....I have failed my Master who tried so hard with me and my father who is on the Council. It sort of feels like I never had a say in any of this, I mean I did have a say in it, but what was I going to say?"
*That felt good, if slightly unnerving, he felt his heart pounding as his anxiety increased over the fact that he had just told another Jedi something that he had never intended to tell anyone. Better out than in he guessed, but he wasn't sure that was exactly true in this situation either.*
"I feel like this stupid planet is just showing me exactly how bad of a Jedi I am. My father would be strong in this situation and here I am getting angry, every minute of every single day. I'm angry that I'm here, I'm angry that all of my training in protecting the Order and the Republic is wasted here and I'm angry that I'm angry, and that makes me a bad Jedi because...I'm angry and Jedi aren't supposed to be angry. I mean Jedi get angry, but Jedi are supposed to be better than this....better than me."
*Jarik lowered his head and sighed again, a shiver shook his body as the wind hit his bare torso, he reaced over and patted his shirt, still damp. He rolled his eyes and flipped it over to get the other side a little bit more dry, he could deal with slightly damp, it was better than sitting there shirtless for too much longer.*
His expression softened a little bit as he thought for a moment about what was said and the question that was asked of him. He looked around and reached out to ensure no one else was in ear shot. Confirming that the two of them were reasonably alone, he scratched the back of his head and looked directly at the older Knight. There was something on his mind, something that had been nagging him since after his Knighting, something that his subconscious had been chomping at the bit to get out.*
"Yeah, I'm glad you're better..."
*He sighed.*
"Just us right?"
*His green eyes met Luka's blue eyes and he looked for acknowledgement.*
"I don't know what the Force is telling me or doing for me. I...feel like I'm not a good Jedi, I feel like maybe I....I have failed my Master who tried so hard with me and my father who is on the Council. It sort of feels like I never had a say in any of this, I mean I did have a say in it, but what was I going to say?"
*That felt good, if slightly unnerving, he felt his heart pounding as his anxiety increased over the fact that he had just told another Jedi something that he had never intended to tell anyone. Better out than in he guessed, but he wasn't sure that was exactly true in this situation either.*
"I feel like this stupid planet is just showing me exactly how bad of a Jedi I am. My father would be strong in this situation and here I am getting angry, every minute of every single day. I'm angry that I'm here, I'm angry that all of my training in protecting the Order and the Republic is wasted here and I'm angry that I'm angry, and that makes me a bad Jedi because...I'm angry and Jedi aren't supposed to be angry. I mean Jedi get angry, but Jedi are supposed to be better than this....better than me."
*Jarik lowered his head and sighed again, a shiver shook his body as the wind hit his bare torso, he reaced over and patted his shirt, still damp. He rolled his eyes and flipped it over to get the other side a little bit more dry, he could deal with slightly damp, it was better than sitting there shirtless for too much longer.*
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Luka Balmore
- Posts: 82
- Joined: Wed Apr 29, 2020 2:24 pm
Re: Epoch
"We all have flaws Jarik. All of our flaws are more visible when we are under stress, the cracks start to show and we overthink the cracks because we aren't used to seeing them. They look worse than they are because we're not at our best. I'm not at my best either, I'm not happy that I'm here. In fact I can think of a half dozen other places I'd rather be, all of which are planets that are not actively trying to make me join with the Force."
He stroked his chin and offered Jarik a comforting smile, it was clear that this conversation was confidential. Even if Jarik had not asked for confidence, Luka was quite sure that no one else needed to hear these thoughts, in fact he felt in a way, honored that the younger Jedi had shared them with him.
"Anger has always been your opportunity, as long as I've known you. And you know what? I have one too, it is just as bad as yours in different ways. I am relentlessly and at times unrealistically optomistic. My optimism is not always grounded in reality and when things don't turn out the way I'd like them to, it presents more challanges than it would have had I just been a bit more realistic about the situation. It has just as many downsides as anger Jarik, it just doesn't look like it from the outside."
He smirked and nudged the younger Jedi's shoulder in a friendly manner.
"You're not a bad Jedi Jarik, you never would have been Knighted if you were, especially with who your Master was. Our opportunities will never become our strengths, they will always be our opportunities. Anger will always be with you, but you're not judged for that being your opportunity, you're judged on how you improve your handling of your anger over time. The trick isn't to make an opportunity a strength, the trick is to become so good at handling your opportunity that no one ever recognizes it as your opportunity.
He saw the chill shoot up on the other Jedi's spine and he watched him check to see if his shirt was dry yet. Luka would have offered him his own shirt, but it was damp too and he doubted it would do any good, in fact it would likely make the situation worse.
"No one here has the right to judge you for being annoyed or even angry with the situation we're in. I do not know a single Jedi here who is not annoyed about this situation. It just manifests itself in different ways, for you it is anger, for me I have to find a logic to it, I have to find a reason. I could be wrong, this could all be for nothing, but I trust the Force enough to give it a bit of slack and trust that it is prepping us for something."
He stroked his chin and offered Jarik a comforting smile, it was clear that this conversation was confidential. Even if Jarik had not asked for confidence, Luka was quite sure that no one else needed to hear these thoughts, in fact he felt in a way, honored that the younger Jedi had shared them with him.
"Anger has always been your opportunity, as long as I've known you. And you know what? I have one too, it is just as bad as yours in different ways. I am relentlessly and at times unrealistically optomistic. My optimism is not always grounded in reality and when things don't turn out the way I'd like them to, it presents more challanges than it would have had I just been a bit more realistic about the situation. It has just as many downsides as anger Jarik, it just doesn't look like it from the outside."
He smirked and nudged the younger Jedi's shoulder in a friendly manner.
"You're not a bad Jedi Jarik, you never would have been Knighted if you were, especially with who your Master was. Our opportunities will never become our strengths, they will always be our opportunities. Anger will always be with you, but you're not judged for that being your opportunity, you're judged on how you improve your handling of your anger over time. The trick isn't to make an opportunity a strength, the trick is to become so good at handling your opportunity that no one ever recognizes it as your opportunity.
He saw the chill shoot up on the other Jedi's spine and he watched him check to see if his shirt was dry yet. Luka would have offered him his own shirt, but it was damp too and he doubted it would do any good, in fact it would likely make the situation worse.
"No one here has the right to judge you for being annoyed or even angry with the situation we're in. I do not know a single Jedi here who is not annoyed about this situation. It just manifests itself in different ways, for you it is anger, for me I have to find a logic to it, I have to find a reason. I could be wrong, this could all be for nothing, but I trust the Force enough to give it a bit of slack and trust that it is prepping us for something."