Interminable Abyss

[Luka Balmore]

Blue eyes fluttered open, it was still early but sleep was a lost cause at this juncture. The light of the morning sun was still fresh and had not illuminated the vast and forbidding landscape yet. He took a deep breath in and sharp pain shot through his lungs which radiated through his nervous system. Instinctually he winced at it, the breath was short, not nearly as long as he intended it to be, but it did it’s job of bringing some air into his lungs, even if the air was poisoned and some of it would damage the pleura. He steadied himself, no one else around him was awake, he placed his right hand on the ground and summoned his physical and mental strength to pull himself up into a seated position. He closed his mind to outside influences for a moment and began to focus on himself, he was a healer after all and there was a certain amount of good he could do for himself, but only a certain amount. He focused his energy on the lining of his lungs as he knew that’s where most of the problem seemed to be, each breath was threatening to whisk him away on the wings of the force and while that would a be a fascinating experience, especially if he could find a way to communicate the intricacies of it to his Padawan Zhi, it was not an experience he was especially keen to gain knowledge of at this juncture, there was still so much work to be done and the rest of the Jedi could not do with one less Jedi, sure they would get by but the death of yet another Knight would still be a burden in their efforts to escape this place.

His blue eyes closed and darkness followed them followed by a flash of light as his minds eye picked up the damaged cells in his lungs, what was normally a healthy pink, was dark red, some spots near black. It looked as if he had done nothing but inhale smoke all of his life as some non-sensitives seemed to indulge in for a peculiar reason that he could never quite figure out. Slowly he went to work, using his favorite technique, art of the small to repair the damaged cells and to remove some of the fluid from his lungs. He coughed as the touch of his own healing hand on his own body tickled the back of his throat, he could taste the blood coming up from his lungs and noted in his mind for later to pass onto Zhi. After several moments he felt a bit better, but the problem with force healing is that it took strength and energy to do well and in truth he had dared not waste all of his energy on himself, especially here when there could be an accident and his healing hands would be needed to save someone else. It would be selfish to use all of his abilities just to be well every day and he knew it. Instead he focused on what he needed to survive and be of sound enough mind and body to be a functional semi functional Jedi Knight and a healer to the order, that was his obligation and that was where his focus needed to be.

He opened his eyes once more and took in a deeper breath, this time with not nearly as much pain and the taste of blood in the back of his throat was decidedly less than it had been a few moments ago. Wins on the mining world were not as satisfying as the were elsewhere in the galaxy but that was no matter, a win was a win and should be savored as such. The force had granted him another day among his friends and family and for that he should be grateful. He smiled as he stood up trying not to groan as he exerted the energy to do so, his legs felt a bit weaker than they had the day before, he had been keeping a journal outlining his symptoms, not only for his own benefit but for the benefit of others if he were to join the force here, at least then they could understand what was going on with his body so that they could work to prevent it in others in the future. He smiled and brushed his slightly damp blonde hair to the side and made his way to start the days work, but first water would be great. He bent down near the pod that had been assigned to him and grabbed his water bottle, he took a few hundred steps west to a stagnant pond that had been there for force knows how long, he had never been confident that this water wasn’t lethal, but one of the perks of being a Jedi healer was that you could fix these things. He bent down and filled his bottle with the putrid water, the stench caused his nostrils to flair. He chuckled at the pure beauty of the situation, the force had placed them here with all they needed to survive as Jedi, however non-sensitives would not be so lucky. He closed his eyes for a moment and gripped the bottle of water with both hands, a blue glow formed around the opening and in a few moments the stench was gone and as was all of the harmful adulterants that tainted the water. He took a long but measured sip, the cool liquid felt good as it trickled down his throat and quenched his thirst just enough to do for awhile. This bottle needed to last today, the pond was not bottomless, but then again no one really knew how deep it was either, so rationing may not be as important as they thought, but then again it might. He smiled again and began to walk back to his work site.

As he arrived back at his pod he knelt down beside it and took another measured sip of the water, he was glad that purifying water was something that was generally taught to all Jedi as a survival technique, but as a healer he was able to do a few more things to make it taste even better. A selfish indulgence, but everyone needed at least one, especially in times like these. It took next to zero energy to do, so there was no guilt about wasting energy on something selfish. He began the monotonous work of tinkering with his pod, he never was a true craftsman, but he was a surgeon and the work was strikingly similar when he really thought about it. The tune that he had whistled earlier had become stuck in his head and it started to come out as a gentle hum as he continued his tasks for the day.

Hours past, he had his lunch of potatoes cooked resting on the hot coals of a fire. The purple starchy vegetable was incredibly satiating and some of the other Jedi had gotten sick of them, but he had always felt that the vegetable was so versatile that you could never get bored of it, especially if you got creative. There were so many ways to prepare a potato of which not all were all that healthy which was a chief concern here. He walked back to his pod, bumping into other Jedi who had expressed concern over his pail appearance and his persistent cough, but he assured them he was okay and even remarked about his medical fascination regarding what exactly was going on with his body. He would love to talk to Erril and Ashlin about it, maybe when there was some more free time for them as half Sephis to discuss it, he did wonder if they found it nearly as fascinating as he he did. For now there was work. He knelt down again but as his knee touched the ground he felt undeniably weak and fell over on his right side. Who had seen it? No one? Good. He righted himself and sat there for a moment and took a long gulp of his water. He closed the lid and set it down, his eyes fluttering. His heart was palpating a bit, he could feel the rapid beats in his chest. His blood pressure was elevated and his pulse oxygen levels were low. He stood up and started coughing violently for several seconds, covering his mouth with his arm after several moments another Jedi was at his side as the coughing fit subsided. He pulled his arm away and saw an alarming amount of blood filled with bubbles that had come up from his coughs. Not good, he thought to himself, maybe that journal would be useful sooner rather than later. He tried to smile at the other Jedi, but even his teeth were stained red. Surely he had to have some guardian in him somewhere, he could stubborn his way through this like his father and long lost brother. He tried to take a step but his legs buckled and darkness filled the corners of his eyes, the last thing he remembered seeing was the face of his Padawan standing over him, he tried to smile at him and raise his hand to pat his arm, but all was black before he could move.

He felt removed from his body and saw himself laying there helplessly before he felt himself falling deeper and deeper into seemingly bottomless pit. His life flashing before his eyes as he fell, memories of his mother, his friends at the temple, his younger brother Alex whom he had not seen in years, he hoped he was well, Ashlin, Erril, Kaytren, and of course his Padawan and best friend Zhi, he hoped good things for them all, especially Zhi. He hoped his student would not grieve him for long and would move forward, he was a good Jedi, intellectual, and healer, he would be fine. As the memories continued passing by, it seemed he had seen everyone, everyone except one person.

Finally he stopped landing on his feat in a dark room, he looked around and saw nothing, then there was a presence, a presence he had not felt since. He turned around and standing there was a figure dressed in black a hood covering his head and blue eyes staring back at him, the same eyes that he had seen deep within so many years ago. In an instant he felt the other man’s sorrow from the pit of his soul, it felt almost as if it was a silent apology shared between the two. There were no words exchanged at first, just the emotions of years long gone by, of pain, suffering and regret. Luka had always been an affectionate person, so he took a few steps forward and through his arms around the young man draped in black, the dark figures head pressed into Luka’s shoulders and he sobbed quietly, Luka squeezed him tight and pulled away and looked into his eyes.

“Brother…Adrian I missed…..”

There was a sharp pain in Luka’s chest as he felt himself pulled up and away, the dark figure looked up and smiled at him and spoke gently to him.

“Not yet Luka, it’s not time.”

Luka reached out and tried to pull Adrian with him, but he was gone. Luka took a deep in and he started flying up through the endless abyss from which he had fallen, back to the world above, back to the mysterious planet that had nearly killed him in the first place. He felt himself reconnect with his physical body and air filled his lungs in a deep gasping breath and his eyes shot open, the light was blinding. Thoughts raced through the normally calm Jedi Healer’s mind, not the least of which was what he just experienced, whether it was a hallucination or reality. Other thoughts however seemed more pressing once his brain reset, how had he let himself get this close to death? Did he really just use the small amount of Lynd in him to push forward despite the consequences? This was something he had to learn from. His pupils begain to adjust and he was able to make out the faces of those standing over him and working to keep him alive, Zhi’s face was the first he saw and he felt a deep sense of pride and warmth as he finally was able to raise his hand and lay it on that of his Padawan and offer him a warm smile, Ashlin and Erril had certainly done their part as well, but Zhi….Zhi was a brother to him.

“Did you…enjoy my surprise exam Zhi?”

Luka smiled wryly depsite his condition, which was improving by the second, he was even able to muster up a half hearted chuckle as they continued their work. He would live to fight another day, and questioned whether or not he would be lectured by the ranking healer about how bad off he had allowed himself to get. No matter, he would simply explain his position in a positive upbeat way, citing all the benefits of having lived through this, the other two half-Sephi would now not what to expect after all….

[Zhi Jonan]

Twenty-one year old Zhi Reverence was the tallest, tannest, and youngest of the Jedi physicians in the room - and the closest genetic mix any of them were to 'base' human. Zhi closed his eyes to all three of the individuals he felt such care and concern for, currently most of all to the weakest of them, whom he acknowledged that he was angry with as well. They had passed the crisis point enough that he could let himself think past the current moment, but it wasn't the time for criticisms or grave conversations yet.

Zhi let out a nearly silent exhale for the duration of three heartbeats. He willed his nerves to calm and kept an eye on his own blood sugar levels, doing his best to counteract the shakiness before his adrenaline dropped. The young healer killed power to the small pocket light that he’d been testing Luka’s pupillary reflexes with and tucked it back into his bit of a med bag. He breathed in, then looked up in time to gently acknowledge his eldest sister’s wordless murmur that she’d see herself out. Zhi brushed a pulse of empathy and gratefulness toward the closed wall of her mind, but she was tired, reserved, and he didn't push her. (Thank you, Ashlin.)

The remaining work became much more mundane and familiar. He resumed painstakingly screening trace tibanna from Luka's tired system. Where need and focus allowed, he shifted his focus to ease the remaining after-effects of inflammation and overactive immune system response.

He turned his hand palm upwards beneath Luka's, quietly clasping the older young Jedi's palm without any commentary on how much thinner Luka had become even since the last time Zhi noticed. He met the half-Sephi’s gaze with a calm smile and shook his head.

“I'm glad I passed. But, no, Master. I didn't care for the exam. How do you feel?”

[Luka Balmore]

Luka's smile strengthened a bit as he felt the warm hand of his Padawan close around his. He was proud of the young Jedi whom he was seriously considering Knighting within the next year or so, assuming that they both lived that long anyway which was hardly a guarantee in the current situation. Come to think of it was never really a guarantee for a Jedi in the first place, but here life seemed to be much less likely than death which appeared to lurk behind every corner. Despite his experience, it was truly fascinating for him knowing what he had just been through. Had he died? From a scientific standpoint he'd certainly like the answer to that question, given that he had seen Adrian and the depths of that vision? Dream? Reality? He wasn't sure but given the depths of it, he certainly question if he had come across the spirit of his older brother in the next life if there was such a thing.

Luka stifled a cough and reached up with his other hand and grasped Zhi's arm with an approving pat and light grip conveying how proud he was of his Padawan and friend.

"Thus is the nature...of life Zhi, we don't always enjoy the tests we are given. You know that though."

The sparkle in Luka's blue eyes continued to brighten a bit as he brought his hand down from Zhi's arm and rested it by his own side. Luka smiled and politely asked the other healers to leave, thanking each of them for their services and apologizing a bit for having to be a patient. He then turned his focus to Zhi after everyone else had given them a bit of privacy. He tried to sit up, exerting a lot of energy in doing so, sweat beads formed on his brow and he managed to steady himself and cross his legs.

"I feel as good as I can given the circumstances Zhi, but I think it's time you understand something."

Luka took a deep breath, the tibanna in the air stinging his lungs.

"I'm likely going to die here and I need you to be okay with that, near as okay with it as you can possibly be my friend. You are just about the only one here with the set of skills we have that this planet isn't actively trying to kill. If myself or Erril dies...or we both die, which is likely, you are the future and you are also the strongest. Ashlin shares the same problem Erril and I do but to a lesser extent, she's weakened, but you aren't. You need to stay strong and if this happens again you need to decide whether or not you and the others have energy to spare to save me."

His blue eyes never lacked for empathy but in this moment they stared unflinchingly into his Padawan's eyes.

"I appreciate it and will continue to appreciate it if it ever happens again, but the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few or the one. It's a balancing act, I am an experienced and talented healer, like you, but if the rest of you expend energy and resources continually pulling me from the grasp of death how valuable am I? I don't know the answer to that question Zhi, but you will, I know you will and if that decision must be made to let me go, know that it's alright Zhi. You are great student and an even better friend, if that happens I will always be with you..."

He coughed violently, and covered his mouth the best he could. He was lucky he got so many words out at all.

"...to guide and of course banter with....you."

He thought about his next words carefully.

"You're nearly ready Zhi and when the time comes....I....hope to be physically standing by your side to welcome you as a new Knight, but I'll be there regardless."

He smirked and broke the gaze for a moment looking down at his thin frame.

"Having said all that and between you and me....I really dislike this planet as fascinating a place as it is, and I'd rather not die here. I messed up. I was monitoring my symptoms but I was dismissing too many things, I need you to keep me honest with myself if you can do that for me Zhi? I need...to...."

He stifled a cough again and pushed on.

"be there for others and optimistic for them, but don't let me let my optimism get in the way of my own reality."