Born

[Tanmir Krillian]

"I keep saying it, I didn't have a choice. I was born into it, I never knew anything different."

The thirteen year old initiate was adamant as he stood in the council chambers, clad in tattered black robes, a burn scar on his left cheek and several cuts and bruises visible between the torn fabric of his robes. An empty lightsaber clip was present on the right side of his belt as was evidence of something that had been forcefully torn off of his utility belt and had exploded not overly far from him. The charred leather of the belt was curled up at the edges near where whatever it was once was, he was clearly lucky to be alive and relatively unharmed. He flexed his fingers nervously and the scabs on a few of his knuckles broke and blood oozed out of them.

"I am here because I want to be good, I want to be trained as a Jedi and maybe I can undo some of the harm I caused."

"To what level do you blame yourself for your actions as a Sith Student?"

Said a mysterious Jedi Council member whom remained nameless to him. He sighed heavily and his eyes narrowed, his emotions visible he hadn't had much experience controlling them and he was unlikely to learn that in his death defying escape from the Sith academy.

"I am fully to blame Master Jedi, born into it or not I had a choice and I made the wrong one time and time again. When I was a little kid, maybe it wasn't all me, but as I got older I continued to make those choices. I don't know, maybe because they were familiar to me, but familiar or not, there was a time that I became aware of right and wrong. When I became aware of that I became responsible for all my choices after that and I hold myself responsible for all my choices before that moment. Had I stopped there...maybe not, but I continued being evil, I continued being a Sith."

"I understand fully what you are saying and I empathize with your situation young Tanmir. You are too hard on yourself for the choices you made before you knew the difference between right and wrong, but I mostly agree with you for the decisions after, but I do grant you a level of grace as you did not know anything different for the majority of your life. That being said, how can we trust you not to fall into your old ways?"

The boy lowered his head, frustration was visible on his face as the odd looking Jedi spoke to him. He exhaled through his nose and turned to stare at the Jedi Master. His anger started to bubble up for a moment and he could feel his fists clench.

"I'm here. Isn't that enough?"

No, it isn't. Tanmir, you are to be commended for the first step you have taken to right the wrongs of your past. We applaud you for taking that first step, but what you have yet to realize is that the first step may well have been the easiest step. It does not getting any easier from here, in fact it gets harder. You were depend on your emotions for strength, emotions are fine to have, but controlling them when you have leaned on them for power your entire life is a massive challenge. The first thing you need to learn is self awareness, I deeply sympathize and understand, but I feel your anger, I feel your fear, both of which are understandable. Who is this Jedi Master to question you after you have done what you have? It is an understandable thought and feeling and that is okay, but if you're not careful it will consume you. So I'll ask again, how can we trust you?

The thirteen year old lowered his shoulders, his black hair falling into his eyes. He could remember the intense emotions he felt when he betrayed and the Sith and how he had relied on them to escape. This Jedi did have a point. Once more the young teen sighed and lowered his hand.

"You can't...I can't tell you it won't. I...I need help and I will try my hardest to be better...I will be better, but I can't do it alone. That is why I am here, I need your guidance Master Jedi. I can try to be good on my own, but you're probably right. I'll fall if I try it alone, please...help me..."

[Tanmir Krillian]

Two Years Later

The last blaster bolt had been deflected back into the trooper that had fired it at him. His eyes were narrow and he could feel his heart beating in his throat. He stood there carefully eyeing the situation his yellow blade glowing in the darkness, he could hear the blade of his Master retract behind him, the two standing back to back were well versed together. His hazel eyes darted from side to side not sure that all threats were clear, but maybe that was the fear talking? He wasn't entirely sure but he did trust his master. The yellow blade retreated slowly with whoosh into it's chrome hilt with the red grip and black controls, a nod to his past. Perhaps a reminder that of all that evil some good came out of it. He was good now wasn't he? Could he ever really be good, he just killed seven men, but they were combatants. It wasn't like it used to be, but it was still a struggle differentiating the difference between types of killing. Jedi killed out of necessity, he had to remind himself of that even if at times it felt like a rationalization. He still didn't like the way killing made him feel, it was this sick sticky and gross feeling that latched onto his soul and took days, sometimes weeks to wash clean whatever the reasoning was. It reminded him so much of who he used to be even if it was done for all the right reasons.

He let his breath out and nodded.

"I wasn't expecting that."

He closed his eyes trying to understand if he misjudged the entire situation or if he had let his emotions cloud his judgement once more. He shook his head and took a step away from his master, before turning to his master whom he was only slightly shorter than at this point. Was he going to ask the question, he felt like he should...maybe he shouldn't? He really didn't know, his mind was racing.

"Should I have?"

[Julian Orspach]

The action had stopped, everything was fine. At least for the most part, neither of them were injured and while that was undeniably a good thing, he could feel Tanmir's unease, his emotions surging through him. He internally sighed, but remained quiet so as not to let his young Padawan feel anymore anxiety over the situation. He had performed well under pressure, but that wasn't his concern. It was how he reacted after the pressure was gone and it was less of a concern than it was odd edge that he could not seemed to ground off even after two years of intense training. The Jedi Master turned to face his Padawan and patted him firmly on the shoulder. He hadn't ever planned on taking a Padawan, it was not something that had been at the forefront of his mind since that day he came back to the Jedi.

Then Tanmir showed up at the temple, alone, scared, broken both physically and mentally, he saw something in that young scared former Sith that had changed his mind. Others could have trained the young man, sure but Julian Orspach could relate to him on multiple levels. He had spoken of doing something against his will, being born into darkness and knowing nothing else. In some ways that reminded of his time behind the mask of Kaini Khatoin, it reminded him of that feeling of disgust he had when he understood what he had done. In that moment, he felt a kinship with this lost child of darkness.

After long discussions with the rest of the Council he had agreed to help the young Tanmir find his way back on the correct path. It hadn't been an easy road, not in the least bit for the young Tanmir, but Julian had done his best to calmly guide him and be the voice of reason when doubt crept in and the firm hand when anger threatened to knock him off that path.

"Neither did I, they know we're coming."

He gave his young Padawan a firm stare.

"None of that matters though. Your mind is wandering, keep your thoughts on the here and now. You cannot control what has already happened only what happens next. So Tanmir, they know we're coming and we know they know that. Our element of surprise is gone, but so is theirs, they blew it on an ill advised attack on us. Unless of course that's what they want us to think and something bigger is waiting."

He crossed his arms.

"You've been my student for some time now, how do you think we should proceed?"

[Tanmir Krillian]

The discussion had been short and he had leaned more on his Master's expertise than he'd hoped to, but he did know best. Making camp for the night was a good idea. Even if it did mean back tracking two clicks to the east to ground they knew was safe. After all why would anyone make camp on ground they were just attacked on? It wasn't safe, but they did need their rest.

Tanmir had been trusted with first watch, the had agreed to sleep in shifts of about three hours each. It seemed like an appropriate amount of time given the fact that they did not know who they were pursuing or what that person knew about them. In fact as tired as he was Tanmir didn't much care to sleep. Nightmares had been something he had struggled with since coming to the Jedi, but through constant training and his Master's helpful guidance he was able to keep them mostly at bay. Now however, he had just killed and he subconsciously was worried that they nightmares would strike at the worst possible time, here out in the field when he needed that distraction about as much as he needed the Sith runes on his left shoulder.

He hated seeing those in the morning when getting in or out of the shower, or really anytime he changed clothes. His past was something he came to terms with but having those marks staring him in the face was not something he had enjoyed. Master Balmore had offered to painlessly remove them during his last physical after a rather lengthy chat about the pain the anguish they caused him.

Though the offer was more than tempting, Tanmir had politely declined. He felt that for some reason he needed them, they had lost their actual meaning to him when he left the Sith, now they were like a scar, a visible reminder of what he could not let himself become. He glanced over at the tent, he could sense Master Julian was sound asleep. "..how can we trust you? Those words from the day that he first laid eyes on the Pink Jedi Master with the purple eyes and hair echoed in his memory. It was a fair question and given the fact that that very Jedi Master was asleep five meters from him at this very moment indicated to Tanmir that he had at least built a certain level of trust up with Master Orspach in the last two years. He wasn't sure he had earned it yet, but Master Orspach had been so good to him from day one, giving him a chance when he doubted that he was truly worthy of one. Who was he to them? They didn't know, they just knew he was beaten and bloodied Sith student seeking asylum and refuge amongst the Jedi. He could have been a spy, an assassins, the fact that they entertained the notion of training him baffled him a bit to this day. If the roles had been reversed didn't know that he'd have trusted a Jedi who came to him wanting to be a Sith. In fact he'd have probably killed the Jedi, well at thirteen he supposed that depended on how old the Jedi was, but either way someone would have.

Now at fifteen he was a full fledged Jedi Padawan, he even had a braid and tan and brown robes. He was on a mission with one of the best swordsman in the galaxy and he had the honor of being the Padawan of that Jedi. Things sure had turned out different than he had expected, he almost expected them to send him to prison when he showed up at the temple. He had killed people before, innocent ones at that, he was a Sith after all.

He glanced off into the horizon it certainly was dark here. He took several breaths in and out and closed his eyes entering into a light meditation. His eyes wouldn't detect danger, but the force would alert him if anything was a amiss. As he controlled his breathing, he became acutely aware of his surroundings. In the distance a small branch fell from a tree and landed with a light thud in a pile of leaves, some of them crunching under the weight of it. There was various wildlife scampering through the forest, some of them predators, the other prey. The proceeded in their nightly dance of death and Tanmir shut this piece out for a moment. His stomach for bloodshed had been weakened by the Sith, even natural bloodshed that existed in the circle of life. He knew it was necessary for the existence of the universe and the symbiotic circle that these creatures formed with each other on this planet, but it just reminded him of the academy. Everything was like that, turn your back on the wrong person and your throat was cut. Kill or be killed. Show weakness and die. He had it somewhat easier than most, he was strong and he had connections, being born into it did have it's advantages that may have saved his life on more than one occasion.

He stopped and focused his energy on the here and now like Master Orspach had said earlier in the day. His mind had been wandering again and he had to get that under control. He had to be good enough to deserve the treatment he had received and the Master that had chosen him. He often wondered had Master Orspach not chosen him, would anyone have? Focus!

His grey eyes opened as he felt a sharp disturbance in the force piercing through his Auara. He stood up immediately and grabbed his lightsaber from his belt and held it in his left hand. He glanced back to the tent, but didn't feel Master Orspach's presence in there. He really had been letting his mind wander! He sighed and turned and that's when he felt it again, this time it was a red hot darkness that pierced through his soul. It sent a chill down his spine as his eyes aided with the power of the force settled on a figure standing there a few meters away from him. He ignited his lightsaber, the yellow blade springing to life as he took up his defense of stance and shed his cloak. He felt his heartbeat in this throat once more and he tried to calm himself.

"Master?"

He called out. The figure took a few steps closer, clad in black and lowered her hood.

"Tanmir. It has been a long time"

That voice? The sound, it couldn't be. Tanmir froze, conflicting emotions surging through the young Jedi's aura. Could it be her? How did she find him...how?! He blinked and his grey eyes widened.

"...Mother?"

[Julian Orspach]

Having watched his Padawan carefully and giving advise on the course of action Julian retreated to the relative comfort of the tent trusting Tanmir to take the first watch. Trust was an important part of the relationship between any Master and Padawan, but in this one it was perhaps one of the keys to their success so far. Julian knew the complex weight that Tanmir carried with him, it drove the young man's anxieties and it made him doubt himself in moments that were important. It was a struggle, but one that Julian had helped him work through little by little. Being a former Sith himself, he understood the complex emotions that came with the realization of the atrocities you had committed in the never ending quest for power. While their back stories were different on the surface, in reality they were strikingly similar, while Julian had been tortured until the point that his on mind melted and he was recast as a Sith with no knowledge of his past Jedi life, Tanmir was born into the life of the Sith with know knowledge that what he was doing was wrong. It was in this way that the two were men cut from the same cloth, sewn into different things perhaps, but ther origin was not really at all different from what Julian could piece together.

He had waited a few months into their relationship to share with Tanmir the full truth about what had happened to him, it wasn't out of deception that he had waited, but out of strategy. He had to wait until Tanmir was ready to hear it, ready to accept that he was not alone in his struggle and to understand that there was a path out. He never did forget the look on his face when Julian explained himself, he was dumbfounded, shocked, and in complete and total awe of not only what Julian had been, but who he had become. Julian had hoped that it would give Tanmir hope for the future, a path to strive for and from what he could tell it worked.

As the Jedi Master laid his head down to take his rest, he closed his purple eyes. While he trusted his young friend and student, he was keenly aware that he was a bit unstable, even if he had gotten better. His journey towards the light had been far from straight, but Julian had nudged him towards a more direct path even if that path did occasionally have a tree root growing through it that the young man occasionally stumbled over, but nevertheless Julian was there to pick him up when he fell and tonight was no different, not even in the slightest.

As the Jedi Master found himself drifting off to sleep, he felt Tanmir's anxiety spike. That's when he felt it, masked in the force, the dark stinking aura of a Sith Lord, it was unmistakable to him. She he had been hiding herself sure, but Julian was an expert in that level of deception as he had to hide from a Seer, so it was an act was incredibly difficult to fool him, but it had indeed fooled Tanmir. He was distracted by the sounds and visions of nature, a beautiful sight, but a blatant distraction. They would talk after, but now was not the time. Silently Julian stood up and silently exited the tent completely masking himself in the force from both his Padawan and from the Sith that approached so quietly in the night. She thought the darkness was her home, her advantage, but he had hidden in it first, fooling many Sith before her and many after her.

Silently he climbed down the back of the hill and made his way quickly around the base of it and across it's western side until he was about one hundred meters behind her. He moved even quicker as he got closer, careful to keep his breathing quiet and his aura quieter still until he was a mere call it ten meters behind her. He could make out her shape in the darkness, his purple eyes narrowed as he crouched and retrieved his lightsaber, he stood up and was about to say something when he herd her speak for the firs time. He raised his eyebrow it wasn't entirely unlikely that a Sith would know a former Sith student, but it did seem just a bit too coincidental for his liking.

"....Mother?"

"Kriff"

The quietest swear escaped the Jedi Master's lips as his purple eyes narrowed to slits. This was not coincidental at all, she had lured them here. This called for an entire re-evaluation of his plan and an entirely different approach. He saw Tanmir's yellow blade glowing at the top of the hill, his student did definitively have the high ground from a purely tactical standpoint. However, as much as he trusted his young friend, he knew that he was now emotionally compromised and that was...okay. It was understandable that he was shocked, it was understandable that he had conflicting emotions about the person who brought him into the universe. Julian understood that, but he also had faith in the training that he had given his Padawan, he had been hard on him when he needed to be and he had been the sturdy shoulder to cry on when he needed that as well. Now was time to put it all together and for Tanmir to assert himself and Julian would be the rock he could stand on to gain proper footing. Now was not the time for jump first Guardian tactics. Now was the time for slight of hand and deception, a tactic that was not inherently dark, in fact that Jedi were experts in it, especially those who had gained the rank of Master.

"Greetings...family reunions are so nice, but sneaking up on my Padawan in the middle of the night however, make me question your true intent."

Julian said as he stood upright with his lightsaber unignited in his right hand slightly angled to the Sith Lord before him. She was sure to have strong reaction to his presence and he was indeed ready for it...