The Laboratory

[Erril Winterhold]

Perhaps it was it was a reasonable assumption that had come up short, or perhaps it was an underestimation of exactly what they were dealing with, but no sooner had Erril settled to the still bed of his inner mind and grounded the mental tethers from Julian than the feedback came roaring in to upturn the preparatory calm he had established within himself. It was like a thunderous maelstrom breaking across a calm sea for a single moment. His ears rang, the skin on his face tingled painfully to the point of burning, and his lungs gasped for air.

Erril didn’t know what cruel mechanism had created the nerve impulses he’d just redirected off the younger Jedi, but he could only imagine what it must have been like to experience it for a prolonged period. He suspected he would know soon enough. Reaching out from the depths of his trance-like state, Erril strung one more tether between himself and Julian to account for what he’d just experienced, grouping it in with the others and shunting it to a safer place in his own body.

The memory Ashlin had shared with Erril rose closer to the forefront of his mind as he continued his meditation. He’d spoken with Kaytren on a few quiet occasions about her experiences, and the places she had gone to in her mind to endure. She had only on one occasion spoken of the desert which had been Reverance’ experience of pain. He’d tried to imagine it, tried to imagine what it must have been like to witness the embodiment of another’s suffering. He wondered no more, and as small a glimpse as it had been, he found that he’d gain a valuable insight.

It wasn’t the first time Erril had tried to imagine such an embodiment, however, and in his own meditations he’d found a place where he could store and examine his experiences. A place where memories became landmarks. His spirit drifted to that place, the shared memory hanging around him like a wisp of smoke.

The first thing he experienced in this place was cold. Not an agonizing cold, but a persistent one. It was wind, blowing across a cold coastline in a late sunset. He knew the cold well. As the chill air pushed against him and snapped his hair about, Erril remembered the frost that had consumed him whole at one point in his life, melded with him in a bizarre sort of symbiosis. And so the wind ran, coursing across the coastline and turning up flurries of sand that ran along the ground in racing paths, shifting this was and that – insubstantial, but unstoppable. He walked along the coastline until he came to a familiar place. A small fire burned in a pit in the sand beneath the shelter of jutting cliffs, jagged with fractures from the wind and from time. As he examined the burning flame, Erril rubbed his arm, revisiting a moment that had defined pain for him. Scorching metal, consuming heat, and desperate helplessness to protect a friend – a brother – in what became the last moments of his life.

Sitting down beside the fire, Erril glanced up at the broken cliff face, cast into dim relief by the setting sun beyond. Many breaks – many memories – were visible here. But none of them drastic, most of them only a matter of course. Soft stone must be chipped and carved away to reveal the true face of a cliff. And with each cracked and broken bone along the way, he had learn to live more wisely. The cliffs remembered, and showed him what was his. The fire remembered, and showed him what was his. The lapping waves on the shoreline remembered, and showed him what was his. The storm that swelled dangerously on the far horizon remembered… but what it showed Erril was not yet his. The momentary pulse of nerve lightning crossed his mind again, and thunder rumbled across the shore.

The storm would soon be his to remember, as well.

[Ashlin Li]

“AHHHHHHHHH.....!”

The echo of some ragged scream drifted at the farthest edge of her hearing until either something ended the sound, or maybe some wind changed direction. There hadn’t been much beyond that yet while she watched over Julian. The quiet space Ashlin found around herself felt oddly blurred. She’d remained so very careful, this time to tread lightly and let Julian fill in their surroundings… Which he had; she could feel that much; but it was almost as if the sensory input wasn’t working for her yet. There was a scatter of blurs and bright lights that perplexed her when she tried to look at anything past Julian and the metal table. Sound wasn’t much better. It was all faint and distant if she left it alone; but then a cacophony of scrapes and rushing fluids if she tried to focus in. It was nothing painful, but the only sensation she could map it to were the first moments of overload waking up into carbon sickness.

Julian stirred and their eyes met. Ashlin shifted to let the slightly younger Jedi sit up and turn so that he could face her. Her heart would have broken while she watched him compose himself; but she’d already shattered tonight and was past that.

“We're...dead aren't we? But why are you here Ashlin? I was the one being tortured. I...tried to live. But it looks like I failed. What Now?”

She shook her head.

“You didn’t fail; you made it. I need you to listen, please. We’re still alive. Erril and your father are, too. This is an illusion. We have a little bit of time in it, I think… But it wouldn’t be very wise or very kind to push the boundary and take too long. Your body seems fine enough, but he’s got your mind so badly hurt, Julian... I need you to help me with what I don't know, so I can help you. Then we'll be four together."

Ashlin thought back over the priorities she'd been piecing together into the rough lines of a plan, and then glanced past Julian at the blurs of bright sterile static that made her vision try to squint. There was obviously something here. Why wasn't she registering it? She met Julian's eyes again with a small shift of her shoulders.

“It would probably help if I knew what you're looking at. I'm not seeing it yet.”

[Julian Orspach]

His expression flattened for a moment as he was informed of his own mortal state. This was confusing, because there was no more pain, yet they were still in the cursed room that everything had taken place in, the room he was just in half a heartbeat ago. His eyebrows raised in unison, he brushed his right hand behind his ear feeling for his braid, it was gone. He sighed audibly, but heard her mention that this was all an illusion, but what kind...she answered that too.

"Well I'm glad we're alive Ashlin, but I am a bit confused. The last thing I remember is that wretched cage being lowered over my face and being shocked to death or so I thought, I guess just shocked mostly to death, right here."

He paused, his forehead scrunched and his eyes narrowed in confusion as if he was deep in thought.

"What do you mean you can't see, what are you looking for? It all happened right here, on this very table we're sitting on. That's why I was confused that you were here. There were no Jedi near me, I cried out for them in the force, but they couldn't hear me. So I surmised that I would likely die here. It's an illusion, but what for?"

He swallowed hard and scratched his head, ruffling his own purple hair.

"I mean, they beat the kriffing hell out of me Ashlin. Is that what you want to see?"

[Ashlin Li]

Ashlin stared at Julian for a long moment. Their conversation seemed almost disjointed to her, so she let his bone-tired confusion and the reproach in his tone hang in the air. She felt confused, too.

Silence.

There were a few muted scrapes. The occasional muffled voice somewhere in the blurs past the bounds of their table, but none of those seemed centered on the Julian right in front of her. Ashlin's fingers tingled with the impulse to do… something; but the Jedi woman quietly refrained from tracing the apex of her ear, or fidgeting with a lock of hair.

Julian didn’t, though. He was still a little younger, and he was more of a Nomi or an Arty anyway… None of them were especially suited for stillness. Ashlin watched the pinkish man while he frowned and twitched his right hand through his hair for the second or third time in as many moments.

“....Mhnnn,” She finally made a small sound of realization. She’d had it slightly wrong. He needed three memory sets healed together, then; not the two that she’d counted initially. (You really are still in pieces.)

“The braid has been gone for years, Julian.” She made sure their eyes met and quietly told the hurt Jedi Padawan, who was still so much younger than she was, and who hadn't even seen half of his own grief yet. “They tied you down, cut it away, and beat you straight into hell… But, you are years deeper than that now. Remember?”

A heavy sigh finally escaped Ashlin. Light-flared pieces of the stark white lab cleared around her. She heard the blare of monitors. She remembered Erril choking, but breathing purposefully in the respirator mask, propped up enough to give his lungs a fighting chance while Johnathon’s panicked med staff kept them alive until she was marginally capable of moving beside the elder Jedi Healer to assist with tending him. A few feet further away, and she saw her entire nervous system was still on fire—but no real torture there; just Tibanna-sick immune reactions and sensory overload—while she woke up from the carbonite. Hands caught her, and her limbs were fastened tight to a metal table so the armored Julian could stand too close and gloat over her while the staff worked on her. Another yard or two away from them... and now she could put the memories and input enough together enough to see Julian's past self, sickeningly restrained right there... The nearly-twenty year old was swarmed with technicians and a droid - replenishing tubes, debriding necrotic skin tissue, flashing lights into his skull and preparing him for whatever else. There was shattered glass all over the floor.

This time she gave in and slowly twisted her hands around in her lap while she took a breath. Illusion or not, Ashlin felt herself trembling. Julian was right; they'd been right here the whole time. It was the same exact table.

[Julian Orspach]

"Years?"

A thunderous shudder rocked his aura and his very mind as if he was in the midst of a fantastic storm of harrowing destructive power. His purples eyes fixated on Ashlin as a second shockwave rocked his system. His hands began to tremble and sweat began to form in small beads on his forehead, illusion or not everything felt increasingly real by the second. Years?!

He shook head, it couldn't be real, none of it could be, but it all was. There were things. There were a great deal of things. His subconcious flashed him with the lights of a thousand suns against his fragile mind until the heat was so much to bare that he could physically feel his mind joining with the other two pieces melding together.

He remembered his braid, he remembered awakening to find it gone, naked on the table, Jedi didn't care about such things, but at the time it was still another step in dehumanizing him and stripping him of himself so to speak.

In front of Ashlin his purple eyes widened and remained fixed on her, his pupils dialated as if he was in a trance.

There were so many things that had happened, they were too much to count, yet they all showed themselves to him in this brief moment, he made every concerted effort to not force them upon Ashlin, but this was akin to the little boy on Dantooine holding his finger in the dam, eventually the water was going to come rushing past him in a sea of torment that he simply could not keep to himself. She was going to no doubt get a little water on her, there was no way around it.

He steadied himself on the table as the sea crashed through every barrier of his mind. It was uncomfortable, but there was a distinct absence that was felt, it created a hole around the sea which allowed it to drain without killing everything in it's path, it was the absence of physical pain. Where was it? Not that he wanted it back, but it was odd to be without it for even a minute in his every day life.

The memories however were enough of a torment on their own, the absence of pain was not something that was missed.
In his mind he heard words, words that were undoubtedly his, but sounded cold, dark and inhuman. ::Comfortable? Restraints!:: He shook violently as he saw the dark man in in the dark armor and mask standing before him, glass cracking on the floor, sounding like ice on a frozen pond that was going to give way, and it did. He felt as if was falling and then he heard it, surrounded by eternal blackness and an all encompassing cacophony of everything that was wrong all at the same time. ::Stand down Jedi, by order of the Supreme Chancellor these are prisoners and you WILL step aside:: Snap-Hiss...

The scene surrounding the Jedi was grey in his mind, it was not something that his conscious brain wanted to think about. A level of shame rose in his aura as he sat there. It was sickening, there was nothing worse than what had happened in that moment and he tried to bury it deep down within his stomach.

His core quaked and he gagged, his purple eyes finally blinked at Ashlin, his eyes showed the torrential storm that had just ravaged his soul, it was unmistakeable and there was no way anyone could have missed.

"Years."

He cracked his neck again, a half relieved and half saracastic smile appeared on his face.

"Oh yeah.....THAT."

He paused and he shook his head in shame.

"I remember."

His eyes caught her again and this time, they really saw her, she was trembling and the whiteness of her knuckles resting in her lap. His purple eyes filled with concern, he reached out and placed his hands on her forearms. He offered her a warm Zeltron smile and put aside his emotions just for the moment.

"Are you okay Ashlin?"

[Erril Winterhold]

Deep in the heart of his sanctuary, away from the prying eyes and minds of the world which he’d come to shut out so effectively, Erril felt a quiver of fear run down his spine. Death wasn’t something he feared, it was a welcome ending to whatever story his life was to tell, and beyond its doors his forebearers awaited him in the Force. But there were fates worse than death, and one such fate had been inflicted on Julian already. Now, as he sat in the sand by the fire, watching the stormfront chase sand across the coast as it drew near to him, he knew what await him within its churning depths.
As the storm raced in onto the coast, Erril’s body began to shake with waves of weakness, and his heart began to race. The Jedi pursed his suddenly parched lips trying to wet them, and was in the midst of trying to slow his heart with deep breaths when the cold rain began to fall on him, and he realized what he was experiencing. He pressed back against the storm for a moment, and the sudden shock wracking his body lessened.

I’m sorry Julian, you’ll need your senses to find your way home

His tether to Julian was redirecting the physical symptoms of stress, anxiety, and shock away from the owner and down into Erril’s body. He could bear it, but he knew that numbness was just as dangerous as pain in the wrong places. Julian would need some sense of self to anchor his senses to whatever he experienced in Ashlin’s company, even if it wasn’t pain.

In the temporal slowness of the healer’s trance that superimposed itself over the landscape of Erril’s mind, he sensed what was coming before it struck him, but it struck him just as hard anyway –

A thunderous shudder rocked his aura and his very mind as if he was in the midst of a fantastic storm of harrowing destructive power.

– amidst the roaring thunder, a bolt of lightning traced down from on high like the finger of wrath itself, and struck Erril where he sat digging his claws into the sand. He body went rigid as the enervation tore across his skin and chewed down to his bones. The lightning split the sky for an unnaturally long moment, ripping into him with it’s force and fury, before subsiding to leave him shuddering and panting, slumped over himself somewhere between sitting and laying forward on the ground.

The Jedi’s struggling musculature spasmed as residual sparks stroked across his skin. Even as he fought against his own – or rather Julian’s – nervous impulses, he raised his head to the horizon, and perceived further into the storm. He saw it, and he heard it as well –

…a second shockwave rocked his system.

– a wall of hateful turbulence rushed in over the wind-sheared shore and grasped at Erril with it’s hungry claws. The pain that rocked him threatened to break his focus, threatened to cut the tether that tied him to the other Jedi and protected both of the young ones from the storm embedded in Julian’s mind. He could not fail, or they were lost. Within the walls of his mind, Erril rose up in the storm and roared against the volume of the wind-driven rains that pounded against him.

”Come test yourself against me.” Erril demanded, throwing his hands to the wind in defiance.

”I will not falter!” he screamed.

The howling hate of the wind and thunder, and the lightning-etched fury of the storm rose the Jedi’s challenge, swallowing him whole. He commanded the lightning to seek him out, and with every strike his resolve to stand strengthened even as his body weakened. He felt the scars of the Darkness all around him, the hurt, the brokenness, and the mind shattering grasp of malice that had all been poured into Julian now seeping across the bond into him. But he was not it’s victim – it held no power over his resolute mind. He had chosen to be here.

The storm beat against Erril for what felt like a small eternity, but it ultimately failed to meet his challenge, and he stood still in the sand as the thunderhead faded in the sudden, intense heat of revelation.

His subconcious flashed him with the lights of a thousand suns against his fragile mind until the heat was so much to bare that he could physically feel his mind joining with the other two pieces melding together.

Staggered but still standing, Erril took a few painful breaths and let his eyes fall from the sky as the sun shown again and began to intensify. Whatever they were pressing toward in Julian’s mind, the mental block seemed determined to fight them. The intensity of the heat from the sun began to lick at Erril’s skin like flame. This was a pain he knew. The pit fire still burned in the shelter of the broken cliff face, untouched by the storm, so Erril turned from the shore and walked to it, his bare feet crunching through the sheen of glass left on the sand from the passage of the lighting. He paused and stooped to sit beside the fire as the intense heat of the sky above increased. It was nearly blinding now, and he felt as though his skin was going to peel off and be carried off as ash on the wind, but his eyes held fast to the flames before him and he focused on his breathing.

I will not falter

[Ashlin Li]

The two Jedi sat beside each other, Ashlin consciously willing herself and her emotions to be still in this whole thing. She knew that Julian was fighting to keep her from the brunt of it; but Ashlin had committed just as firmly to not break his stare or flinch away from psychic shockwave.

Horrific years slapped into her senses like tidal wave of polluted black water that still sent her reeling. It stung her eyes, smeared her vision, and tasted vile. It made her nauseous with sympathy shame just from feeling his half of the gloating at her, let alone anything further from herself. Ashlin was still requiring herself to pay calm attention and process what mattered before she started to wipe off the black slime sensation and do… anything. It was going to take her a moment to find the hardest hit places, no matter how efficient she was at screening through the grime of it all.

But she understood very well that, less than half an hour ago, this would have been more like a boiling sludge-wave of tar that forced her to slam a wall up before it clung to every exposed part of her and peeled her mind down to the bone—and she understood why it wasn’t that now. So, the black water slapped down. Julian managed it, and she did. Ashlin gratefully dismissed the rest of it from her current concerns, and focused on what was already right here….

The ‘Here’ was important. It was. But it also barely scratched the surface for him; even the blasted table. She drew in a shaky breath and kept looking over the deeper scars in him as she found them.


Snap-Hiss…

That. Mattered.


“Are you okay Ashlin?”

Ashlin startled a little when Julian took her by the arms. She glanced down at her twisting white hands, and willed herself to relax before she moved and squeezed one of his palms thankfully.

“Oh… No; I’m far from it.” she found her voice with a faint laugh of disbelief at the absurdity of him needing to ask, and at how thankful she was anyway. She didn't hide the telltale flush in her ears, or the sad sparkle in her eyes; even if she absolutely forbade the latter from becoming any more tears right now. They were past that. Internally, her whole self was still swirling a little. Julian didn’t need any more of that, so she watched his face and kept herself to words.

“I.. wouldn’t very much like to tell you about it… But I think I’ll still be thankful to later if you won’t mind. Right now: I’m beyond awed with you at how far you just came. You are so resilient, Julian. I would leave you be and let you take time now, but time is exactly what we haven't got.”

She glanced down at their hands; she hadn't let go of his again yet. Then she looked out at the hate-filled man in black armor, who was storming around grinding beaker dust into the floor with his boots past the safe boundary of their table. She heard the cutting edge of Johnathon's voice boom through the communications system—

::ENOUGH!::

—There was the benevolent chancellor abruptly apologizing for his steward's treatment of the Jedi, when he'd triggered the restraints flying off her wrists in a sudden clatter. She'd fully understood even then that 'Kaini' was being used; but it was something different to watch Julian helplessly drop his arms to his sides, curl his gloved hands, and feel him flinch from this perspective. Ashlin looked back to Julian, doing her best to give him a moment, and then quietly finished putting her thought into words.

“You've got a couple bleeding places that are worse than the others. We should tend them before he or anyone else suddenly stabs you in them. I'm sorry. Do you want to choose what's first?”

[Julian Orspach]

"If I'm so resilient, why did I allow myself to survive and become a monster? I should have broken through sooner and destroyed both monsters."

He quirked his eyebrow and eyed the man in black, his lips quivered and he looked to Ashlin again, he felt her warm palms clenching his his and smiled, it was comforting, but not needed. He was FINE. Perfectly one hundred percent fine.

A moment passed and he sighed again scanning his own body up and down...

"Nope. No blood anywhere. Totally fit. I could pull the arms off a wampa."

Julian squeezed her palms tightly, and swallowed hard as his eyes dared to venture over to the dark sided version of himself. What was it that he saw standing there pacing like a caged animal? What was it that made that man do what he did, what was it that made them different....what was it that made them the same. He shut his eyes, scrunched his face and grit his teeth. Pink flesh began to redden with embarassment as he tried to brush it all off.

He took one of his hands back from Ashlin and ran his pink fingers through purple hair. He smiled wryly and his purple eyes sprang back to life for a moment and a certain glimmer appeared in them.

"You want to talk about the proverbial Sith in the room...who is...actually in the damn room don't you?"

The wry smile widened a bit and his teeth shined through in classic Julian style.

"Well he looks like a total badass in that armour. I bet the man beneath it is super strong. I bet he doesn't like talking about old wounds either."

His smile faded and his eyes fixed on Ashlin, his tone changed and his gaze became more serious.

"No one can hurt me anymore. Lets just move forward now so that we can get off this ship..."

He shifted nervously, his aura clouded in emotion which betrayed the words that he had just spoken. It was as if whatever was beneath the surface was pounding on a door in his mind, begging for someone to fling it open and release him from this torrential torment. His concsious mind however was protecting his fragile but functional mental state. How long would this last? He knew he could push forward and be true to himself through sheer force of will, but his subconscious needed to be set free.

He retrieved his other arm from Ashlin and crossed them in front of his chest, as if he was guarding the entrance to his damaged soul. His eyes welled up with tears, but he fought them off by blinking quickly and looking away.

[Ashlin Li]

Regret—deflection—realization—humor—denial.

Ashlin watched Julian’s responses run the gamut. She listened with a smile here or there, a rueful glance at her wrist, a quiet chuckle that flared her nostrils, and some of the keenest sympathy she’d ever felt for anyone in her life.

He crossed his arms and glanced away. She returned her hands to her lap, but made a conscious point to keep the tension from creeping back into her fingers.


“…You’re right,” she said after a heartbeat. “The guy in armor looks tough. Crack his shell and he’s going to start fighting tooth and nail about it. Might even break someone’s arm until you beat into him what’s good for him. Then he switches gears and fights just as hard to rip himself free… But. Julian—You actually do better with directness, so bear with me. — Nobody likes talking about old wounds. Nobody likes holding still and letting someone prick a sore place that we’re guarding because it hurts or we’re ashamed of it. I don’t. I didn’t even like Erril poking my arm — let alone the stories I’ll hate telling you, but I swear I will later and then at least you might not feel so lonely. Handing someone our sore spot… sucks. But we're Jedi, so we suck it up and do it anyway.”

Sighing, Ashlin gave Julian a compassionate smile and slid off of her seat on the table. Standing just next to him on the floor, she shrugged and waited until she had his gaze again.

“Right now, you’re trying SO hard. But you have trigger points so raw I could remind you of the ugliest times and take you down with a sentence or two. If I can, we know Johnathon can. Please… Tell me what you need me to do. But let me help.”

[Julian Orspach]

Purple eyes scanned Ashlin as she spoke. She was not wrong about anything she said, but that most certainly did not want to make him talk about it. The the thought of saying the words out loud was more than he could bear, he clenched his fists as Ashlin stood up and slid off the table, she wasn't going to take no for an answer. They were Jedi sure, but this was not something that....he sighed. This was not something that any Jedi should have done, this was something that a Jedi should have died rather than do.

His upper lip quivered, he slid both legs over the side of the table opposite Ashlin and stood up quickly. His aura shook violently as if the secret he was hiding was so soul crushing that it was causing him physical pain. He shook is head and turned his back on Ashlin.

"It would take more than a few sentences to take me down, but you're not going to let this go are you?"

He sighed again and slumped his shoulders in shame. His eyes closed, hiding the windows into his soul. He turned halfway and turned his head over his shoulder to face Ashlin.

"They'll never let me be a Jedi again when I tell you this..."

He paused briefly.

"It is very bad Ashlin. Are you sure you want me to burden you with it?"

[Arty Orspach]

All was silent to him about what was going on with his son mere feet away from him. That was no longer his concern, his concern was the living force and every bit of information it was feeding him. His breathing and heart rate had slowed to levels of calm that might make the dead look energetic. Every moment for him lasted for ages, every sense in his body tingled as he sat there, had he wanted to he probably could've could've counted the hairs on his arm, he was so in tune with everything around him that mattered that if a freckle of dust hit the floor in an abnormal way he would be ready to react.

Then It happened! His adrenaline glands kicked into over drive, his fingers tingled his body quaked as the adrenaline dump surged through him in a fraction of a second, the force quelled the adrenaline and put it in check as his heart rate and breathing increased. His focus was sharp, the moment was now, another fraction of a second passed and he was on his feet, the black matte hilt of his ligthsaber shot into his hands. It was instantly activated, it's blue blade glowing in great anticipation of the moment that was soon to come. He took a two handed grip and placed his dominant foot back in an Ataru guard stance very similar to the Jedi Ready stance, but more aggressive, he was ready to do his duty as the Jedi Guardian, thoughts of life and death were pushed aside and all that mattered was the here and now. He breathed in through his nose as he heard the footsteps outside the room, the force had warned him, and it would be his side in this moment of peril.

He sent the most subtle of warnings to Erril, guarding any thoughts from interrupting Ashlin's work. His mind's voice to Erril was calm, cool, and collected, but it was self evident that he was coiled like snake ready to strike.

("Be aware, there is potential danger. Do your thing. I've got this.")

[Royal Guards]

They marched in unison, their boots clanging against the floor was an onimous sound as crew members immediately moved out of their way. There were two Elite Guards flanked by four troopers clad in red armour. They moved with a purpose and when they arrived at the door to the lab they stopped for several seconds, the Elite Guard on the right reached out with his left hand and felt the door by placing his palm flat against hit, his head immediately lowered, before he jerked his hand away from the door and looked to his other companiopn on his left, he gave him a hand single, his hand tightened around the shaft of his melee weapon and he looked towards one of the troopers in red armour.

::Open the door and no shooting unless I say so.::

The trooper nodded and approached the control panel, it had been locked, but had the access codes to all doors on the ship and given his position at the moment he had the full authority to override all codes except that of the Supreme chancellor. The door flew open and the Elite Guards marched in, followed by the four Sith Troopers, their rifles at the ready.

The Elite Guards spotted the Jedi immediately, their grip on their weapons tightened even more, but they maintained their calm. Escalation at this moment was ill advised, even at a tactical disadvantage, any Jedi Knight could be a formidable opponent and it was more than likely that few of them would get out of this encounter unscathed.

::Greetings Jedi. We have a message from Supreme Chanceller Naom Samja::

There was a long pause, they waited for his reaction, the tension in the air grew thicker and ticker as his blue blade reflected off of their pristine red armour.

[Ashlin Li]

“They'll never let me be a Jedi again when I tell you this...”

Oh, Julian. Telepath and healer that she was, let alone that she'd deliberately linked her synaptic spaces to his for the moment, the thinner of the two part-human Jedi saw Julian’s shuddering with every shred of her senses. He'd turned away from her when he stood up, keeping the empty lab table like a wall between them.

“It is very bad Ashlin. Are you sure you want me to burden you with it?”

Various grim ideas about whatever horrendous memory he was hiding from had started flickering across her mind—They both knew very well that it was awful, but something was more critical to him than anything else—But she banished that line of thought from her mind before it had any chance to color her reactions. Trying to anticipate or keep a step ahead of him wasn't going to help. They were here, right now.

Ashlin breathed in. She watched him in a careful, conscious, effort to keep her mannerisms calm and be quietly present if he decided to look back at her. She rested her hands lightly against the edge of table where he could see them.

“Thank you for asking me,” she told him with a nod and the faintest half-smile. “But, yes. I'm absolutely sure, and you have permission.”

Her smile twitched the smallest, most rueful, little bit as she shrugged and dared to press the edge a little further. “Just rip it open if you can stand it, Julian. You're not going to scare me away; but you can take that as a challenge if it helps. Your move.”

[Julian Orspach]

She spoke.

He listened.

For a second.

A brief Second.

He hoped she would go away.

He hoped she would say no.

She didn't.

His eyes opened purple wells into the depths of his soul, the tears were gone for the moment all that was left was the cold dark and sordid truth of it all. All it would take was everything in him to tell this story, his very being. He turned to face her fully and placed both hands on the table baring all before her.

"Okay. Fine."

His heart raced, the thumping of it's beat was overpowering to him, the unstoppable noise continued on, whether it should or not was a matter of debate, not for others who clearly loved and cared about him, but for himself. Why was his still beating when so many others' had long since fallen silent? It was a question that would likely haunt him for the rest of his life no matter how short or long that was at this point. He lowered his head and stared at his hands pressed against the table in this overpowering illusion, it might as well have been real. The black sleeves of his turtleneck shirt stood out to him more than they normally would have. They had to be that color, the white of the room faded, there was rain, and Kaini moved freely around the room as Julian rasied his purple eyes to lock onto Ashlin.

"It was Dark."

He paused.

"There was rain."

Another pause.

"Looking back, I'd have to say it was the force shedding tears for what was about to happen."

He winced, closing his eyes for a moment as the scene began to change before their very eyes. The lab was gone, the rain was falling on the streets of some distant world, there was Kaini moving down and alley way flanked by a squad of troopers clad in red armour. Their steps fell heavy on the ground, they moved with a purpose, a sinister purpose, the force moved darkly around all of them as they continued down the alleyway.

"We were there at the orders of the Chancellor. No doubt you undersand what he meant by bringing peace to the galaxy? Well if you didn't, this will make it abundantly clear."

He grit his teeth and bit his lower lip.

"We were there to round up some people that Johnathon had marked as being evil. Their crimes had not been committed yet, but they would be soon enough, or at least so he said."

A hearbeat passed and the faces of the ten became clear.

"They were children, some no older than a youngling, some Padawan age. Regardless. They were children."

A disembodied blue lightsaber ignited in front of the children, the rain sizziling as it evaporated from the blade.

"And she was there to protect them. She was their GUARDIAN like I should have been."

He clamped his jaw down and her face became clear.

"Qareth."

The name passed from his lips with reverance laced with regret.

"She was a youngling in our class, same as Nomi and I. She was my age, I'd known her since birth. Kaini...I did not recognize her in the moment. She was just an obstacle to him....to me."

He maintained his gaze on Ashlin, purple eyes were locked open. Kaini's red lightsaber blade sprung to life.

"I can still smell it, the smell of lightsaber blade in the rain is distinct, you get that whiff of ozone as the water evaporates off the blade, little bits of steam look like smoke. I remember as a kid thinking how neat that was."

A fake half smile tugged at his upper left as he shook his head.

"I don't think that anymore."

Qareth took a defensive stance in front of the children and Kaini's voice boomed across from her as the Sith Troopers stood at the ready.

::STAND DOWN JEDI! BY ORDER OF THE CHANCELLOR THESE ARE WANTED CRIMINALS!::

"They're children! They've done nothing wrong and I will protect them until my last breath."

"The resolve in her voice was so steadfast Ashlin, she was not faltering nor would she allow me to do what I had come to do, which was arrest them."

He swallowed hard. In front of him the Sith troopers stood ready, while red and blue blades clashed for several minutes. The fight played out in it's entirety, it was obvious that Qareth was outmatched by the Sith. The years of training as a youngling had still transferred over and Kaini was a fighter, now with the power of the dark side on his side, he was more than a worthy opponent for anyone in the galaxy.

"She was a hero."

The smell of ozone and burning flesh filled the room as Kaini's blade impaled her just below the sternum at an upward angle. Her eyes fluttered and her blue blade was extinguished, falling to the ground beside, her. Kaini held her there for a long moment as she struggled for breath, the souless eyes of his mask stared into hers, he saw her lips move the words "I'm sorry" came out, clearly directed at the cornered children, but Kaini felt nothing as he extinguished his lightsaber and let her fall to the ground, a second before she breathed her last breath, he kicked her in the face.

::You should be, you have sealed their fate.::

"I then motioned to the guards, and they began firing on the children, while I watched Qareth's chest rise and fall for the last time, I knew she had seen it. It was important to me that she saw what she had done."

Tears rolled down Julain's pink cheeks, but his eyes stayed locked into Ahslin's.

"I can still smell it, right here. Right now. That smell that ozone smell, almost sweet, mixed with the sickening smell of charred flesh. She did NOT DESERVE TO DIE! NONE OF THEM DID!"

Julian clenched his hands into fists so tightly that his nails dug into his palms and blood flowed freely down his fingers and onto the table.

"I killed her and then I gave the command and stood by and watched as they murdered those children."

He snorted again. Trying to clear his throat.

"My soul is forever blackened by that day....I watched light leave her eyes and my soul. They were kriffing Children and she was their protector. Protecting them from evil. Protecting them from me."

He trembled in disgust.

"Do you see?"

The words rolled of his tongue with a sickening disgust.

"Johnathon said those words to me, anytime he sent me on one of his crusades. He showed me evils that had not yet happened....but he never showed me our evil. That's what we were. Pure, unbridled evil."

He cracked his neck.

"I am a terrible person and I deserved to die and yet...my heart keeps beating."

Julian paused and looked over at the scene with Qareth's lifless body lying on the ground. He walked over and knelt down beside her at the foot of Kaini.

"I'm sorry Qareth....you deserved so much better."

[Erril Winterhold]

It was possible that Erril was just fine. He sat quiet and still on the laboratory table at Julian’s feet, opposite Ashlin. But his breathing told a different story, and the sweat that ran freely from his brow; his chin; his neck, and soaked the collar and breast of his tunic told even more of the turmoil that continued within the eldest of the four Jedi. His body sat still, but for the steady up and down that accompanied each ragged breath as it raced in and then evacuated his burning lungs.

***

The heat burned intense like the face of the sun, seering beyond memory and purpose until Erril imagined his skin could have had no recourse but to fade into ashy dust and crumble away from his blackened bones.

But at gradually as the heat had emerged, it faded equally quickly, and he found himself gasping for breath, doubled over his crossed legs on the cool sands of the shore with his chest almost brushing the ground. He breathed in short, shallow gasps for a few moments, his body and mind both reeling from the ordeal of an eternity suddenly past. His grey eyes slowly reacquired their purposeful edge, and rose up from the sand inches from his nose to the landscape. They fell once more on the fire which had so recently faded from view in the brilliant heat. The fire was larger than before, but it was still just a fire. With the memory of the seering pain quickly fading from his nerves, Erril regarded the fire with a touch of bitter humor, then kicked a small bit of sand on it just for good measure and stood up.

The shore was calm once more, the sun settling back into it’s proper place near the horizon, and the winds stilling. It was cool, and quiet. Julian and Ashlin were making progress.

A small thought tugged at Erril’s soul – he wished he were with them, plumbing the depths of the heartache and the brokenness, and helping Julian find himself in the pieces of it all. But this was his purpose. He was the gatekeeper, and as long as he held the gate, they were safe in the ruins beyond.

Still… Erril caught the loose end of the tether he’d undone some time ago and pulled it back to him. It wasn’t a firm connection, but enough that he could sense a bit of the physiology of the emotions the young man experienced.

He felt them as they rolled through his senses, and put names to them as best as he could.

Regret—deflection—realization—humor—denial.

Erril managed to cobble together a sort of sidewinding empathetic tie to Julian that allowed him to give some context to the sensations he felt. He could still feel the heat burning like coals in a long burned fire – a place of understanding that illumated and produced friction in the young Jedi’s mind as he navigated the trenches of his memories with Ashlin. Whatever those memories were.

A sense of dread slowly settled into Erril’s nerves and began to build like pressure, like… the weight of the ocean. The elder Jedi’s gaze wandered around him and up to the sky as he fought to keep his breathing steady in the face of whatever crushing realization had shaken Julian’s core. The sky above him began to waver and sway with liquid motion, and Erril found that his shoreline sanctuary had become submerged – crushed under the weight of some remembrance that had come to Julian like a weight of shame. Erril felt as though his bones might break under the strain of it.

His own senses began to piece the sensations together with psychometric connectivity, like strange half-revelations from some other world just beyond his view that was somehow being strained to the point of focus by the pressure. Three becoming one, impressions with jagged edges that overlaid one another at the seams. They formed a summary chronology that had momentum – drive – purpose – meaning – need.

The pressure waned, and Erril breathed deeply, remembering his own ragged war against his lunges a day or two before as he watched the waves lap against the shore. Forcing his breathing to settled into a rhythm, Erril worked his feet into the sand and closed his eyes.

My body is but an extension of the Force, and the firm ground beneath me from which I came and to which I will go. My bones are shared with those who came before and those who will come after. My name means nothing – my face means nothing – I am only a shadow and a shade. From the moment of my birth I have begun to unravel, and when the final cords fall and the final chords are spoken, my deeds will be told and my worth weighed. But I am only a shadow, and weigh nothing unto myself. My weight is judged by the prints on the path I have walked, by those who will follow in my footsteps. They will see me only as a shadow, not as the light which guides. But the Light defines the shadow and therefore defines me. When I fade it will be by no encroachment of the Darkness but only by the growth of the Light which I have preceded on the path, and I will fade in peace knowing the path behind me is clear.

A voice disturbed Erril from his reverie. A voice like an echo down a great hall that traced through the air around him. It spoke a warning.
The shoreline was suddenly two-dimensional. A painting in perfect detail hanging before Erril in a clear white expanse.

Danger

Beside Erril, a sword stood with its tip suspended against the ground. He recognized the bronze fittings and the polished white of the wooden handle – a tree native to the Nexus world. A katana which had been his companion for a decade in a life that already seemed long past. Did he take it up? Should he rise to the call of danger?

He remembered a man, tall and strong, who had sworn an oath to guard. His memory cast a dark silhouette in blue light. Not a shadow – a shield.

Did he leave the man in blue to his fate? Or did he leave the two on the path behind him to their fate?

Erril glanced down at his hand, reaching for the katana beside him, and paused when a drop of blood fell from his palm. Even now as his mind vacillated between staying and going, his soul continued the work it had set out to do. He turned his hand over and saw where shame had left its mark on hands meant for the work of the Light. Not his own hands, but hands he was meant to guide. The choice had already been made.

The elder Jedi favored his lost sword with a wistful smile and looked away to the painting before him. The shore became reality once more, and Erril settled by the fire. For once, he knew he had to trust.

[Arty Orspach]

The Jedi Stare. It wasn't something that was walked about much, it was just something that came into existence and you didn't know about it until you were on the receiving end of it. Eyes narrowed into slits, a humming lightsaber at the ready and every fiber in your being quaked with the certain knowledge that if you did not "Move along" you were going to be made into minced meat.

Arty Orspach, Jedi Knight and Guardian of the order. His eyes narrowed to slits and his blue lightsaber hummed ominiously as he glared at the guards who dared to enter the room at this moment of all moments. These men better know what was good for them, they better choose to live rather than become human bantha food. His patience with the day and the inhabitants on this ship were wearing quite thin at the moment, if he was being honest with himself, he almost wanted them to test his patience just a little bit further, "just try me right now....do it." The thought went through his mind for a fleeting moment before he grounded himself in the reality of the situation.

Then the reality of the situation hit. There were six of them. Six. He'd handled more. He reached out with the force with pinging precision as he sought to analyze the men in red. There was one issue, one tiny issue. The Royal Guard on the left was going to be a problem, he could sense the darkness licking the man's aura, not as a fully trained Sith, but enough to be dangerous. He could take down the other five with ease, but this man would be more problematic and was clearly put in this situation for this exact purpose. What to do first if they chose to test him? He could take him on first, but that left him an easy target for the other five, or he could take the other five on first, while sending constant distracting jabs at the guard draped in the dark side of the force. That. That was the answer, his grip on his lightsaber tightened as he heard the words of the guard, obviously he was the leader. His stare remained unchanged.

"A joy to be comprehended I'm sure."

The light moved freely around him, through him, it was his ally, in this moment it would protect him and help him preform his duty, nothing was more important to him, and nothing would keep him from it. He would until his last breath be a servant of others, their guardian, their unsung hero, it's who he was.

"I'm listenting."

[Royal Guards]

Sweat rolled down the cheeks of the four Sith troopers flanking the royal Guards, they were the lambs for slaughter in this scenario and they knew it well, by the guards time to finish off the Jedi if it came to that.

The lead Guard lowered his head and focused on the Jedi, the words that escaped his mouth were incomprehensible. Now one dared to disrespect his charge, the Supreme Chancellor in such a manner. He felt the intense stare from the Jedi baring down mostly on him, this was not a fight that would be easily won and he knew it. He cleared his throat and spoke clearly, a sense of authority permeated his augmented voice

::The Supreme Chancellor wishes to meet with all of you when you are done with whatever it is you are doing here. We will wait here and escort you all to his throne room.::

The Guard paused and tried to look over Arty's shoulder to ascertain what exactly was going on.

::ALL of you Jedi.::

The Guard did not move, he did not flinch his aura remained calm, but there was no doubt tension in the ranks, there were nearly as many Jedi in here as there were guards. This was a bad idea only sending six of them, this was not good. They were well aware of what had taken place in the brig earlier in the day, this could be no different. They were however bound by blood oath to serve the Chancellor, failure to abide by this oath was met with punishment worse than death, their loyalty was never questioned.

[Ashlin Li]

Ashlin met Julian’s eyes when he faced her and set his hands on the table.

Thump thump thump thump thump-thump-thump.

In the physical laboratory, two thin Jedi healers sat with the sturdier half-Zeltron’s body on the lab table. Ashlin had one hand carefully in Julian's purple hair and the other against his torso; Erril was much the same near his feet. Julian’s heart was pounding violently in his chest. But his heart was perfectly strong, and he wasn’t really in shock anymore. He wasn’t going to die of it.

When he finally started to speak again in her mind, it was… Slowly, while his heart pounded around them like a hammering drumbeat in a rainstorm.

Without giving it any conscious thought, Ashlin—her mental self, but more importantly her physical one— inhaled slowly through her nose and held it for two of her own heartbeats, then quietly exhaled through two more heartbeats. Her lungs remained nearly-empty for the space of two more, and then she quietly inhaled again. The slim brunette woman continued wordlessly in that pattern, while she gave Julian’s agonized stare and story her whole attention.

“It was Dark. There was rain…”

She was in the storm with him; there were two unheard drumbeats now. The heavy rain washed over everything and pooled into little rivers that flowed away from their feet and ran down onto a drenched pathway that couldn’t possibly end well.

Julian in armor—'Kaini'—marched his squad of troopers through the rainswept dark alley. A guardian-blue lightsaber snapped to life in the hands of the cornered Jedi who met them.

Ashlin breathed quietly.

Qareth.

::STAND DOWN JEDI! BY ORDER OF THE CHANCELLOR THESE ARE WANTED CRIMINALS!::

Ashlin had been a decade older than they were. She barely remembered the little Zabrak who’d shared a class with her younger sister and brothers; but the spark of memory in her mind was bright enough. A yellow youngling girl ran amid a fierce pack of laughing children who hailed from a rainbow of different races, but all wore mostly the same shades of brown. The children rampaged in semi-strategic circles on a field while half of them dove to kick the same ball. Qareth and an Echani… Jachai, ended up smacking into each other in a headbutt. Qareth’s crown of little horns definitely won.

“They're children! They've done nothing wrong and I will protect them until my last breath.”

Qareth had kicked the ball off to Nomi first. Then she’d promptly offered Jachai a hand up. The Echani boy grinned at her and clearly mouthed some sort of compliment despite the sudden bit of crimson dyeing his silver hair and trickling down his temple. Jachai snorted and shook himself off for the moment; and they’d all carried on with the game. He'd be fine.

“I’m sorry,” A grown Qareth lost her battle against an unforgiving Sith in the cold rain. The yellow Zabrak woman mouthed her apology to some new generation of horrified children while the armored Julian held a burning blade of red plasma through her body.

::You should be, you have sealed their fate.::

Julian’s memory of burnt flesh mixed with ozone-rich smell of fresh rainfall filled seeped into Ashlin’s senses when she breathed in, and the part-Sephi woman quietly accepted that the beautiful sanctuary rainstorm she’d retreated to time after time in her own mind, was never fully going to be free of it again.

The lightsaber in the Darksider’s gloved hand deactivated back into the hilt. Qareth crumpled into the puddles on the ground. She took in a ragged bit of a breath.

Julian’s agonized eyes were locked on Ashlin’s. But this was all telepathy; she didn’t need to look away from him. Ashlin saw it with crystalline clarity when Julian’s armored self slammed a boot into Qareth’s face.

The troopers were still standing in front of the children. Julian’s armored self motioned an order to the soldiers he’d commanded. They aimed easily. There were screams.

Ashlin breathed in for two heartbeats. She held it for two more.

“Do you see?”

She saw, but it wasn’t her turn to speak yet. Ashlin breathed out.

Julian spoke a little more. Then he went to kneel on the rain-sodden ground by a yellow Zabrak Jedi’s crumpled body, at the feet of a masked Sith who stood with his gauntleted arms folded across his chest.

“I’m sorry Qareth....you deserved so much better.”

They were so far away from the laboratory now.

Heartbeats passed.

Ashlin let Julian be for as many moments as she felt she could spare, while she reached out silently within her own mind to her namesake. (Help us with this. Please.)

Soon enough, Ashlin let the last metal table melt away into nothing. She walked quietly down the waterlogged alley. Past the red-clad troopers. Past a dozen smaller figures splayed on the ground. Ashlin shifted her steps ever so slightly in the last moment so that she didn’t tread on where the fallen Jedi woman’s lightsaber hilt had landed in a soggy clump of grass. She knelt down beside Qareth’s body with Julian; just in front of a motionless Kaini.

Ashlin breathed out in a sigh that lasted for two heartbeats.

“Sometimes you can manage to do everything right…” she finally said something in her quietest tone. “And then… despite every sacred thing… you still. Lose. Horribly. I see it, Julian… It shouldn’t have been this.”

She let the rain wash over her, even if the sick-sweet scent of it might be never quiet the same. Ashlin found a little strength in the rain anyway while she looked across the Zabrak woman and the children’s bodies.

“Qareth deserved so much better. And they did.”

She glanced up at the armored memory standing over her left side, and back to the man kneeling on her right. Julian did better when she was direct with him.

“He did, too.”

[Julian Orspach]

There was nothing anymore.

Nothing but the here and now, telepathy or not, he was back in the alley, Qareth and the children were there too. It was all as if it had just happened, an out of body experience, except, that he had done this. He had done all of it.

His purple hair soaked in the rain, his black shirt sopping wet and clinging to his torso. He felt as if he weighed twice his body weight. Was it the rain or was it the guilt? A mixture of both to be sure.

He reached out to touch her face, he smoothed the yellow Zabrak's features the best he could, the blood on her face washed away in the rain. His purple eyes filled with tears and they rolled freely down his cheeks. He was the monster, the monster the two of them had learned about in the temple so long ago, the faceless monster that only went by the name of Sith. That is what he had become, that's who had murdered her and the children.

The children.

He took another breath, it was if a hot knife pierced into both of his lungs, the agony of the reality of the moment had finally set in.

Then, Ashlin spoke. The words echohed through the air, but they were muffled, as if she was distant, he heard them, but they were nearly drowned out by the sound of his own heart, that cursed organ that continued to beat and provide his body the precious blood that it needed to survive.

He stared back down at Qareth's lifless body and then Ashlin's words finally landed.

"Qareth deserved so much better....And they did."

He nodded quietly, then she spoke again.

"He did too."

His blood ran cold and ice stabbed at every square inch of his body. He did too?! WHAT?! Purple eyes narrowed forcing the tears away, his muscles contracted and the force swirled around him in a grey mixture that was light at the core, but clouded by anger in the moment.

Then. There it was, out of the corner of his eye. He took a sharp breath and Qareth's lightsaber flew into his hand, igniting mid air, the blue blade hummed and Julian's muscles released their energy as he sprung to his feet.

"I'll show you EXACTLY what he deserved!"

He swung the blue blade at Kaini with all the ferocity he could muster, if it were to land and Kaini did not react, it would absolutely be a death blow. The rain stood still in mid air as it evaporated off of the blue blade that moved slowly through the air, filling his nostrils with that sweet ozone smell again. This was the moment of reckoning, the moment that he would strike down the evil that had consumed him for so many years. It was time for Kaini Khatoin to die.

[Ashlin Li]

Ashlin whipped to her feet in an impossible blur of motion and stepped into the space between the two men who were two halves of the exact same coin.

In any physical place, either one of him might well have been faster. But not here. She was whirlwinds quicker even then a Jedi Guardian who’d trained at movement his whole life. And galaxy's faster than an armored, betrayed, Darksided man who seethed hate and vengefulness—but who was only a memory and was never going to defend himself here.

Snaking a hand up in front of her body, the thin part-Sephi telepath caught the rain-crackling indigo lightsaber beam and every shred of Julian’s energy along with it before he slammed into her or managed to strike past her into Kaini. Julian’s psyche and Ashlin’s thunder clapped like the walls of two stormfronts slamming up against each other—but there was no getting past hers right now.

Ashlin’s eyes blue eyes sparked at his purple ones while she kept hold of the lightsaber beam. He burned her; but it was nothing as simple to see as a saber wound and nothing she felt a need to guilt him more by showing him. She made a quick, small, motion with her other hand and the rain vanished so that they could all see each other. Ashlin, Kaini, and Julian were someplace more still now; but she didn’t care where.

“You didn't know, Julian. You were tortured, brainwashed, and used. You'd never have done it if you knew."

[Julian Orspach]

"STAND DOWN ASHLIN!"

His eyes met her and the blade continued to hum as she grasped it and stopped his fatal strike against Kaini. His flashed again, what had just happened?! The reality of the moment took only a second to sink and his brain wrapped itself around the misleading information that his eyes had fed it.

The scenery around them seemed to change, it was instaneous, where was he? He was in a room that he had never seen before, speeders buzzed by the windows. Coruscant...that's where they were, the room was not large, but it was clear they were in one of the spires, but it definitely was not the council meeting chambers either. His mind did not have the time or the space to try and figure out where he was, it was Ashlin's thing...not his.

There was a pause.

A long pause.

His ears at first not realizing what words had escaped from his own lips, were delayed in communicating their message his brain. Then once the message had finally been communicated. He stood there in stunned bewilderment at what he just said and moreover how he said it. "STAND DOWN ASHLIN!" A paused in his thinking. "::STAND DOWN JEDI!::" All but one were the same, all but one, but in this case it did not matter. His memory flashed back to Qareth impaled on Kaini's red bled, his red blade. He had watched the light drain out of her and leave her from behind that mask, that terrible mask that imprisoned his soul for so many years.

A knot formed in his stomach, it tightened. The lightsaber extinguished and he looked through Ashlin and directly at Kaini, their eyes were level with each other, the physique was the same, they were one. He retched at the thought, his the knot growing tighter in tighter in the of his stomach, until it was too much for him to bear. He dropped and his arms and clutched his stomach, lightsaber still in hand, he bent over and retched again at the thought. That man, that evil man, was him and it would be forever. That was all there was to it. There was no changing that, there was no going back, and there was no making every thing right again. What was done was done and he had to accept that.

His eyes caught Qareth's hilt in his hands, they scanned the weapon, the shield that she had tried to deplay against the masked monster in the room, the weapon that he had just used to try and destroy that monster once and for all. It was powerless to do anything, just as it was then, and is now, and forever will be. He sighed audibly and righted himself, before tossing the hunk of metal to the side.

He cleared his throat, the sound of his voice was unmistakeably filled with pain, as there was a slight rasp that so often accompanied tears. There was that sound that you hear, when you're about to break down into a torrential downpour of tears, that slight squeeking sound behind your ears when you just know that at any moment you will be overcome by the pain and dignity will fade away, and soon your eyes will be stained red and snot will be wiped on your sleeve shamelessly. That sound, that moment, that pain.

"Guardians don't cry...."

A forced Zeltron smile tugged at his lips, he had to do better than that, better than a smile. He ran his hands through his hair, surely by the end of this it would either have left his head forewever or turned white as Erril's. He reached out and threw his arms around Ashlin and sobbed quietly into her shoulder, as he trembled in the agonzing pain of the moment.

"He's....me. I know....I know.....How can I go on carrying this with me?"

[Arty Orspach]

His stare did not subside, if anything its icy intensity grew strong with each passing moment. The blue lightsaber continued humming along, ready to do its duty, ready to strike the first one of these troopers that dared to make a move, the first one to choose to die.

"You've delivered your message and now you WILL leave us."

There was no option presented, no alternative given. It was clear from his expression that he was serious, it was clear his patience for the entire situation was thin. He however was mindful of the larger situation they were in. They were on a Sith ship, in the middle of the galaxy headed who knew where. There were untold thousands of troopers that he alone could not fight off before getting overwhelmed and inevitably falling. Not now at least, there was no plan of escape, there was not enough first hand knowledge available about escape routes and Erril was decidedly quite busy right now, he would have certainly planned an escape, but Arty wouldn't dare interrupt him until his work was finished. Then there was Julian, whom undoubtedly had access codes, security clearances, and an intimate knowledge of the ship. Also indisposed for the moment.

Then there were these morons. His thoughts returned to the troopers in the room. He needed to force an amiable stalemate, only a second or tow had passed since he finished speaking, so he might as well add another few words for their benefit, to keep them content for the moment.

"We will assuredly meet with the Junior Archi.....Supreme Chancellor when we are done here. Wait outside the room, it's the only way in or out, we will allow ourselves to be taken to him when we are finished. Fair?"

There still wasn't another option present that didn't result in bloodshed otherwise, but the illusion of choice was often times more powerful than actually having a choice.

[Royal Guards]

The lead guard took two steps forward and twirled his weapon quickly and stopped it, he dropped his chin and focused on the Jedi, trying to get a sense of his strength. The insult directed at the chancellor was almost too much, it was unforgiveable, it was treason and the Jedi would have to be held accountable.

In a moment, a quick moment he felt out the situation and pounded the butt of his weapon on the ground in a display of authority. The other guard and the four troopers snapped to attention, their boots smacked the floor and their armour clanged as the side of their legs came together.

::What we do or do not do is entirely up to us Jedi.::

The rest of the men remained still as he took another step forward. His own heart rate increased, he felt he could hear it thumping. He raised his head and locked eyes with the Jedi, this man was dangerous and he could feel it. A fight was inadvisable at the moment, a report that led to charges against the Jedi would of course be filed.

::However, your terms are agreeable. I'd caution you to never speak ill of the Great Chancellor again.::


The Guard spun on his heel in a crisp militaristic fashion and led the rest of the troopers out of the room swiftly.

[Ashlin Li]

Reality shifted around them. They stared at each other from each side of Qareth’s weapon.

“STAND DOWN ASHLIN!”

Ashlin didn’t answer. Her stormcloud eyes were locked on Julian’s for a heart-hammering, electricity-crackling, but still calm, deadlocked eon of a moment while she grasped the lightsaber beam.

A tightening knot formed in Julian’s stomach; it wasn’t Ashlin’s, but she knew. The armored Sith memory behind her sucked in a pained breath of his own through the vents in his mask.

Ashlin stood between them both and quietly watched Julian through the long silence. She took in a breath, waited, and breathed out. Two shuttlecraft zipped across the skyline at the corner of her vision. Ashlin’s senses registered busy skies and vivid Coruscant sunlight at noon flooding in from huge windows in all directions, bouncing off a distant sea of buildings and amplifying off of the cityscape in every direction like a landscape made from a billion solar mirrors. The sun poured in through the windows, warming her dark hair now that any sign of the rain was gone, and flooding her senses with the most light she’d seen in two years of her memory. She breathed in again.

Julian extinguished the lightsaber blade. Ashlin quietly dropped her empty right hand to her side, gently rubbing the palm. Julian stared through her at himself, and the Jedi woman averted her gaze down to the pattern of continuously narrowing circles tiled into the ancient floor like ripples in a pond. The circular room was bare otherwise. Recognition sparked in her mind.

Of course they were here.

Ashlin stood just off-center past the edge of the smallest circle in the tower room floor, with the armored memory of Kaini standing behind her. Julian was the one at the nucleus. The purple-haired Jedi was centered in the floor’s innermost circle; bent over gagging and clutching his abdomen. With the hilt of Qareth’s weapon still clenched in his hands and Julian’s footing centered on such a perfect target in the floor while he retched barely and barely kept standing, Ashlin remembered her childhood drills on Solusar’s defense rings even more keenly than of the Knighting hall in front of her.

‘For the final ring, the lightsaber was kept in close with the hilt covering the navel. The inner ring was the last line of defense; dangerous to be defending from, dangerous to be attacking from.’

Julian steadied himself and stood up. Qareth’s lightsaber hilt dropped to the floor with a thud that felt quieter and heavier than she would have guessed. Ashlin breathed. She hadn’t registered it until this moment, but she noticed now that they both wore a simple version of Temple gear; creams and browns, practical belts, and serviceable boots. They were the same, except that she carried two lightsaber hilts on her hip. Julian didn’t have one now that he’d discarded Qareth’s.

"Guardians don't cry...."

She bit back an impulse to say “Sure they do,” and was instantaneously grateful. Ashlin clutched Julian just as tightly when he threw his arms around her.

"He's....me. I know....I know.....How can I go on carrying this with me?"

Ashlin abandoned the cadence of her breathing with a choked sigh between a sob and a laugh.

“Julian… We’re just Jedi.”

Scrunching her eyes closed, she leaned against the shaking half-Zeltron and held on until whenever he moved away. Then she met his eyes with her teary ones and kept going.

“This war is much, much bigger than we are... Awfulness happens. You were twisted by corrupted people with corrupted power who burned out almost all your peace and smothered the rest. They tortured and brain-wiped you into doing things you'd never do—that matters for your sake and I’m going to repeat that at you until it sticks it or one of us dies—But it doesn’t… really matter if you forgive yourself anytime soon because you’re never going to stop grieving it anyway. You’re still Jedi. You don’t have to carry it all… You just have to live with it. That’s still hard, but you just do it. Let the Force fill in the gaps when you can’t.”

She ran a hand through her hair and glanced back down at the circles in the floor, then out at the bright Coruscant sky.

“Look where it put you. Were you ever here before?”

[Julian Orspach]

"Julian, we're just Jedi."

Those words permeated his mind, the sought out the cracks that had been there for years and they quickly worked their way in. The words had a meaning a silent meaning that had powerful and beautiful sting to them. The worked their way in as if he had been stabbed in the mind, but not in a sinister way. Not in a way that would in any way hurt him, but much more like a surgeon cutting into a patient and going to work on him.

He breathed in deep as her words went to work filling the cracks in his mind and binding them together behind one simple premise. He was "Just a Jedi."

There was nothing more powerful than that, but what she said next, was equally important. He listened intently as she talked, her words were wise beyond her years, but maybe that's what it meant to be "Just a Jedi." The sum total of a servant of the force was "Just a Jedi." Just like him, she was perfectly flawed in equal but different ways. How could he expect anything more of that from the force?

How could he honor Qareth and the others by allowing the darkness of his deeds to consume him to the point where he could no longer function? He couldn't that was not honoring them, that was allowing himself to be crippled forever by the man that made him into what he was, it was letting Johnathon win. There was no way he would allow that to happen, he would not allow perdition's flames to consume him and the Dark Lord to rule over him. "Through victory our chains will be broken." He flinched quietly as Kaini whispered to him, he instantly recognized the origin of the words. Their sinister origin of the words had meaning, they were relevant to the here and now. Kaini was relevant to him. The Dark Demon of his past that he would just assume lock away forever had a purpose.

He let his hands fall by his side and he looked around the room. She had asked him if he had ever been here before and he hadn't, he had no idea where they were, but he was instantly curious as his eyes caught the circles on the floor. What was this place? His purple eyes found their way back towards Ashlin and he wiped the tears from them.

"No. I've never been here before. Where are we? The Temple, I get that much....home."

More speeders streaked through the sky as he ran his hands through his hair again. He squared his shoulders and stood tall and allowed himself to feel like a Jedi for the first time in a decade. He allowed the light to penetrate his soul and spread throughout his body, it would harden the filling in his mind that Ashlin's words had created. The Force would be his ally, and carry the burden with him to lighten the load, allowing him to stand proud as "Just a Jedi" nothing more, nothing less What greater honor could there be?